


Not her - Jooheon Scenario

by nthngbxtmbb



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22814644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nthngbxtmbb/pseuds/nthngbxtmbb
Summary: "I was sitting on the floor in the Monsta X dorm. Food displayed all over the table, me leaning against the sofa, between Changkyun and Hoseok. A beer in my hand. All seven of us looked towards the couple in front of us. Jaw slightly dropped open from disbelief.One of Monsta X’s fierce rappers just introduced his new so-called ‘girlfriend’."
Relationships: Lee Jooheon/, Lee Jooheon/Reader, Lee Jooheon/You
Kudos: 38





	1. New Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was sitting on the floor in the Monsta X dorm. Food displayed all over the table, me leaning against the sofa, between Changkyun and Hoseok. A beer in my hand. All seven of us looked towards the couple in front of us. Jaw slightly dropped open from disbelief.
> 
> One of Monsta X’s fierce rappers just introduced his new so-called ‘girlfriend’.

_How did I end up in this messed up situation? Why do I have to sit here? Can’t someone actually shoot me?_

I was sitting on the floor in the Monsta X dorm. Food displayed all over the table, me leaning against the sofa, between Changkyun and Hoseok. A beer in my hand. All seven of us looked towards the couple in front of us. Jaw slightly dropped open from disbelief.

One of Monsta X’s fierce rappers just introduced his new so-called ‘girlfriend’.

“Congrats, I guess?” started Changkyun to avoid an even more awkward atmosphere. Shownu, who was sitting on the other side of Changkyun, reached his hand out to my jaw and shut my lips together. Not taking his eyes off from the scene in front of him.

“Thank you bro.” Jooheon leaned forward to give his younger friend a fist bump, which Changkyun accepted. All our eyes followed Jooheon as he straightened himself up and threw his arm over his girlfriends shoulder.

“Don’t you have anything to say Y/N?” Jooheon looked straight at me, waiting for encouraging words from me. But before I was able to say anything, I took a sip of my beer and put it back on the coffee table. He anticipated my answer the most, since his eyes started to sparkle and an awaiting smile appeared over his plump red lips. I guess they just made out, before they came here.  
I parted my lips and let a small breathy sigh escape my lips. By now I noticed how all eyes laid on me.

“What?” I looked around to face everyone around the table. 

“Well, congrats!” I answered annoyed at the sudden attention.

“Yah, Y/N! Why can’t you be nicer?” Jooheons lips showed no smile, but rather a poud.

_Sulking baby!_

I rolled my eyes, making my thoughts obvious without stating them aloud _._ By now Jooheon should have been able to read my mind and he obviously did. _  
_ He let a ‘tsk’ out and ignored me shortly and turned his attention to the other six men. _  
_

“If you would excuse us? Me and my Girlfriend are going in Hoseok-hyungs room to have some alone time, ok? I would not like to be interrupted. See ya’ll.” _  
_ Jooheon and his girlfriend leaved the room after his announcement, both having a smirk plastered in their faces.

“Yah Jooheon! Who told you to go in my room? I don’t want you two to have sex in my room! I repeat - not in my room!”Hoseok got ignored by the two lovebirds and sat back down on the floor, frustrated shoving a piece of chicken in his mouth.

“Can someone actually believe, that he brought a girlfriend over?” asked Kihyun.

“I actually thought he would introduce Y/N as his new girlfriend!” I choked on my beer after Minhyuk shared his thoughts.

“I also thought the same and didn’t imagine, him bringing a complete stranger into our dorm.” Hoseok agreed

“Well, ..” Changkyun got interrupted by some noise coming from the other side of the wall. You could easily recognize the sounds of moans and screaming. All heads turned towards the wall behind the sofa.

“This punk! I told him ..” Wonho interrupted himself, giving up from continuing to argue with himself.

I turned my head back to the table and looked down on my lap, fiddling with the can in my hands. Kihyun noticed my action.

“Y/N, I feel so bad for you should I give him a lecture?” asked Kihyun worried.

Kihyun was one of the first people who knew about my crush on Jooheon, heck he noticed it before I even knew about it myself. The others followed behind me after I talked with him many times. The other members noticed that me and Kihyun spend a lot of much time together, just talking. To an extend that they thought we were dating. After Hyungwon asked the both of us that burning question, we both were fast to clear up the misunderstanding, followed by my confession about my crush on their rapper.  
And of course did my crush go unnoticed by one certain person called Lee Jooheon. He didn’t even bothered when this rumor about me and Kihyun circulated through the dorm, he seemed as if he didn’t cared at all.  
But I’m glad that he doesn’t know about my feelings for him, I don’t want to ruin the friendship between us. We had so many obstacles to reach the level we are now and I don’t want to throw all away , just because my heart made this stupid decision to fall in love with him.

“Thank you, but I think it won’t help. What are you gonna tell him? - Hey Jooheon you have to break up with your girlfriend, cuz Y/N is in love with you?” I asked him in return.  
Kihyun nodded, agreeing that this is not an approach he can easily make. I took the last sip of beer that was still inside of it. I forced myself up to grab myself a new cold can of beer, out of the fridge and rejoined the others in the living room. When I passed Hoseoks door, I could hear the noise clearly and stood there for a few seconds with my eyes glued on the door.

I snapped out of my thoughts after I heard Minhyuk calling out my name. 

“Y/N, can you bring me one too?” I turned my head towards him and nodded, grabbing the new can with my other hand. Passing the door as fast as I could.  
I held his beer right next to his head he bid me a small thanks and took the can out of my hand. I rounded the table towards Hoseok to go back onto my place.  
I made the great decision to turn my butt towards Hoseoks face.

“Y/N I didn’t knew you’ve been working out.” Hoseok leaned back and thought it would be funny to smack my ass.

“Yah! Lee Hoseok!” I flashed my head towards him, holding my hands over the touched area. Heat running up my cheeks and turning pink. Hoseok looked at my face and his loud laugh erupted to fill the room. I stood frozen in front of Hoseok, processing the situation. Then I felt another hand on my free butt cheek which has not been tormented.

“Y/N-ssi, your ass really does look good though, next time you work out. Take me with you.” Changkyun chuckled keeping his hand where he reached for, squeezing it a little.

“True, take me with you too.” Hoseok agreed after recovering from his hysterical laughing.

“But Hyung, your ass is fine enough. Changkyun is the one who need some more juice in there” stated Minhyuk. Everyone started laughing and Changkyun acted offended. Putting his hand over his heart, mouth wide open.  
Even I couldn’t hold back my giggle and sat back down between the two.

We continued to laugh and talk about random stuff throughout the night. Ignoring the noises from the other room.  
By now the most of us got pretty drunk except for Hoseok, Kihyun and Hyungwon. Some of us acted wasted, other were more put together like Shownu he seems like he can handle a pretty good amount of alcohol.

But here we are, Minhyuk and I clinging onto eachother singing, while trot music was blasting through the speakers as loud as possible. Changkyun is almost falling asleep on Shownus shoulder mumbling something to himself. The others were cheering me and Minhyuk on, shouting their self made fanchant towards us. The Music switched from trot to the most recent hits, girlgroup songs were definitely on the list. Me and Minhyuk tried to dance to the choreography of Gashina by Sunmi.

Let’s say it that way, we failed miserably.

The others couldn’t hold back their laughter and watched. Especially when we tried the moves in a seductive way. We ended up in each others arms, almost falling. We parted our ways again and kept on dancing and singing. At some point we were going off and head banged when the music changed to some hiphop. Hoseok joined us, together we started moving and rapping. I couldn’t even say one word the right way, only gibberish came out of my drunk lips. We went so hard that my and Minhyuks head collided in some kind of way. Resulting in us laying on the floor laughing our asses off. The whole room erupted with laughter.

A pair walked in to the living room, watching the situation unfold, looking around the room confused . Jooheon was searching for a face to look at, so he could question what happened. He decided to walk up to the speakers and turned off the music. Everyone wasn’t pleased after the loss of music. Jooheon walked up to me, who was still laying on the floor.

“You should go to bed Y/N, you’re completely wasted.” Jooheon slung his arms under my armpits to pick me up, I whined not wanting to leave the comfort of the floor. I felt someone tugging onto my legs, it was Minhyuk.

“Jooheonie ~ let go of Y/N we had so much fun right now. You can’t take her away!” Minhyuk tried to keep me on the floor. My body felt limp, I don’t wanted to go to bed, not yet. Jooheon tried to pull me away from his friend.  
He started this kind of habit of taking care of me when I’m drunk. We drank together a lot, he knows how I am when I’m drunk and I know how he is when he’s the wasted one. Jooheon doesn’t like it when I’m getting completely drunk, because I tend to cling on someone random and become really needy. My hormones start to go crazy and Jooheon always tries to avoid me getting with someone I don’t know, he becomes extremely protective over me.

His girlfriend stood by the door watching the situation unfold, she wasn’t amused by the fact that her boyfriend went straight to me.

Kihyun jumped up from his spot to help me stand up and took me out of Jooheons grip. Hoseok took care of Minhyuk and helped him towards the couch.

“Why did you let Y/N drink so much?” asked Jooheon annoyed.

“Jooheon she’s a grown up woman she can do whatever she wants.” Hyungwon defended me and walked over to the kitchen to grab two glasses of water. After Hyungwon returned and handed Minhyuk his glass of water. He turned towards our direction and gave me the other glass. I slided down against Kiyhuns body, sitting on the floor knees in front of my chest. Kihyun stood still, supporting my back. Jooheon looked down at me with an annoyed expression, the other two men followed his gaze and looked back up to watch Jooheons face. He kept his gaze on me until his girlfriend called out his name. His attention went straight to her abandoning me on the floor.

I took a sip of water, my dry throat was relived and happy about the moisture. After finishing my glass of water, Hyungwon sat down right in front of me and took it out of my hand.

“OK, Y/N I’ll bring you to bed.” Kihyun helped me stand up and Hyungwon supported my other side, both walked me towards Hoseoks bedroom. Since they always let me sleep in there when I sleep over at the dorm. When we reached the closed-door, both men froze and debated with eachother if they should let me sleep in that room after what happened there a few moments ago. Both decided against it and walked me to the other room, where Minhyuk, Jooheon and Shownu were sharing currently. They laid me down onto Jooheons bed, since they assumed that he’ll sleep with his girlfriend in Hoseoks room.  
I fell flat on my stomach, face in his pillow. I inhaled deeply, taking in his scent and falling asleep immediately. Kihyun sighed and walked towards the side of the bed. He debated with himself if he should let me sleep in my clothes or change me in something more comfortable.

“We should change her clothes, she can’t just sleep in those tight pants. She might throw up at night. And those won’t help one bit.” Stated Hyungwon, Kihyun nodded to the suggestion.

“Then go grab something we can change her into.” demanded Kihyun. As Hyungwon was about to leave, came Hoseok together with a passed out Minhyuk through the door frame. He threw the drunk man onto his bed, not caring about his comfort. He walked straight to my passed out form.

“I’m about to head and grab her some clothes. Do you have anything maybe?” Hyungwon turned to Hoseok.

“You can look in my room, there must be a shirt she can wear. My clothes would look pretty oversized on her.” Hoseok turned his upper body towards Hyungwon to instruct him, where he could find the items. Hyundwon went out of the room to grab the stuff and returned fast.

“OK Y/N let’s get you out of these clothes. Hyung help me turn her around.” Wonho walked to the other side of the bed after Kihyun instructed him what to do. As Kihyun was about to pull my shirt over my chest, Jooheon bursted into the room, a bit mad.

“What are you thinking you’re doing?” questioned Jooheon.

“We are trying to change Y/N into some more comfier clothes.” Hoseok defended their innocent act.

“Who told you you could do that? And why is she in my bed? Isn’t she supposed to be in your room?” Jooheon turned his attention to Hoseok, who looked at him confused.

“We thought that you and your girlfriend are going to sleep in Hyungs room” Hyungwon tried to clear the misunderstanding.

“No, I never said that she’s sleeping over. I just brought her home, since Y/N is here.” fired back Jooheon, clearly annoyed at the situation.

“Sorry for that unpleasant misunderstanding. Then we’ll bring her to Hoseoks room. Y/N ~ wake up we’ll bring you somewhere else ok? You can continue sleeping there ok?” Kihyun tried his best to wake me up and not startle me at the same time. I couldn’t open my eyes or even say a word. All I did was groan as a respond.  
Hoseok and Kihyun pulled me up and dragged me towards the said room, Hyungwon followed us with clothes in his hands. Jooheons gaze followed us leaving the room.  
We walked into the room, Hoseok saw his room for the first time this night and it was messy. Even more messy before he left it. All three stood in the middle of the room frozen and examining our surroundings.  
Hoseoks covers and pillow laid in a corner of the room, used condoms laid on the bed and on the floor. They definitely did it a few times, cum and other questioning fluids stained the bed. The room smelled like sweat, unpleasantly to sleep in.

Hoseok got frustrated and mad at the younger one, for not cleaning up behind him and letting the mess behind. Kihyun was too disgusted to lay me down onto the bed.

“I feel like Y/N shouldn’t sleep in here.” Hyungwon stood in the doorway judging the room. Hoseok snapped his head towards the man in the doorway, annoyance clearly marking over his facial expression.

“What about me?” asked Hoseok.

“You can clean it up later, but she needs a place to sleep in” fired back Hyungwon. Kihyun was thinking of a place he could put me in, since I got pretty heavy after every passed minute.

“Let’s lay her on my bed, I actually have a big bed. We both can sleep on it and if something happens I’ll be there to help her.” After Kihyun stated his idea, they made their way towards their room and laid me on the said bed. Instantly, the smell of freshly washed covers filled my nose and I sighed with relief.  
They changed me into one of Hoseoks shirts and tugged me into bed. Hoseok actually stayed in the room, he refused to sleep in his messy room, he laid in bed with Hyungwon and Changkyun was long asleep on his own bed. Kihyun made himself ready and laid down himself, keeping some distant between us.  
Not too long and everyone in the dorm was fast asleep.

I woke up with the biggest headache I’ve ever had and a first unfamiliar environment, but soon recognized the room. I couldn’t remember anything from the night before. I looked around the room and saw another bed next to where I was. I noticed a passed out man laying on it, it didn’t took me long to say that it was the Maknae. Suddenly a sharp pain went through my head, I let a deep groan escape my lips. That resulted in Changkyun waking up and moving under his covers.

“Morning.” He turned his head towards me, his whole body except for his head were under a blanket. Humming in response, my eyes closed again.

“We got pretty wasted last night. Huh?” his chuckle low and his voice deeper and raspier than ever. Both of us started to laugh until we both got punished with yet another sharp pain through the head and stopped laughing. After some time, Changkyun and me made our way towards the living room.

“Well, Y/N-ssi that shirt is pretty short though, whose is it?” I stopped walking and turned around to look at my behind, Changkyun looked me up and down, until I turned fully around and flicked his forehead. He immediately regretted his words and let out a small “Sorry~”. You reached the living room, where four men were sitting around, hungover and eyes glued onto the TV.

“Oh hey Y/N! Have you slept well?“ Hyungwon was the first to notice us.

“Good morning to you too Hyung.” Changkyun sat down onto the floor, infront of Shownus legs.

“I slept like a rock and I have a big headache, but I guess I’m fine.” I stated.

“To prevent a headache, you should’ve not drank that much last night.” Jooheon sat on the other side of the couch, his eyes glued onto his phone screen. I ignored his nagging and turned my attention back to Hyungwon.

“And how come you’re awake that early?” Hyungwon chuckled at my confused state.

“It’s not morning Y/N it’s almost afternoon. We are all awake for a long time now.” I smiled and laughed a little about the fact, that I was sleeping almost the whole day. I looked around and noticed some members missing.

“Where are Hoseok and Kihyun?” I threw my question into the room and waited for an answer.

“ Hoseok is working out and Kihyun is making dinner.” Shownu answered my question not looking away from the TV screen. I decided to go to the kitchen to accompany Kihyun. I saw the said man standing in front of the stove. The smell of food went straight through my nostrils, loosing myself in the smell. I let out a small sigh. Kihyun noticed my presence and turned towards me.

“Oh hi Y/N, have you been sleeping well?” Kihyun turned back to the dish and stirred it. I Hummed in response and walked closer to him.The smell of the dish becoming stronger and my stomach responding to it.

“Wait a little, I’m almost done and we can eat. You can go get Hoseok and tell him that dinner is almost done.” After Kihyun finished his sentence, I waited a few seconds and made my way towards the self-made gym room.

As expected, Hoseok was working out. He noticed my presence and turned his head towards me. “You’re awake! Wanna work out?” He stopped his exercise.

“As much as I’d loved to, I might pass for today, too hungover to actually lift a my own arm. -” Hoseok chuckled at my remark.

“Kihyun said that dinner is almost ready and I’m here to tell you that.” I finished my sentence. Hoseok stood up and walked towards me.

“I didn’t knew that my shirt would be that short on you.” He stood in front of me and let out a low chuckle. My face instantly turned red, Hoseok was always able to make me flustered.

“Th-That’s your shirt? Did you change my clothes?” I asked, still flustered.

“Yeah, Me and Kihyun actually, we don’t wanted you to sleep in your own clothes. Hyungwon don’t wanted you to throw up around the whole place.” Hoseok walked past me towards the living room.

“Are you coming or not?” I got startled and followed right behind him. We reached the living room and I noticed that Jooheon was still on his phone, not taking his eyes off of it and smiling like a mad man. A sharp pain went through my heart instead of my brain, the thought of him loving someone else was painful. But I tried my best not to show any sign.

Kihyun called for us to sit down and eat, Minhyuk, Shownu and I helped Kihyun to put everything on the table. While we were all eating, I noticed from the corner of my eye, that Jooheon was still on his phone and stuffing food into his mouth. Jealousy filled my guts and I tried to ignore it. Kihyun noticed who I was watching and cleared his throat to get the rappers attention.

“Jooheon, please put your phone away, were eating.”

Jooehon looked up to Kihyun annoyed and laid his phone to the side. His gaze landed on me, he noticed my attire.

“Y/N whose shirt is that?” attention now on me.

“ Hoseoks, why?” I stated sassy, the jealousy speaking in me.

“Why are you wearing it? Don’t you have your own clothes?” Jooheon snapped back, more annoyed by now.

“Why do you care? I can wear the clothes of whoever I want. You’re not my dad nor my boyfriend. So mind your own business.” The jealousy being replaced by anger now.

“I’m not your boyfriend, but your best friend. And I care about you like a little sister. Here are six other men, you don’t know what goes on on their minds.” his voice got more stern than before. The word sister shot like an arrow through my chest.

“Why are you so pissed? Nothing happened to me!” At this point I didn’t cared about the people around me.

“Yah, both of you stop now. We are eating. If you wanna fight please do it outside.” Kihyun was pissed and stopped the fight before it escalated.

“Thank you for the meal.” I stood up right away, leaving the table.

“Y/N-ssi!” Hoseok tried to stop me from leaving.

“Yah! These are too short, change now! Y/N!” Jooheon saw my outfit on full display. The shirt went up a little, revealing a small part of my red lacy panties and the underline of my butt cheeks. I ignored his remark and walked straight to the room, where my clothes laid perfectly folded on a chair. I changed my clothes and heard how Kihyun and the others lectured Jooheon. 

I don’t understand why he has to be so annoying and protective, he has a girlfriend now. He should care about her not me. It hurts enough to know that he loves someone else.

_Why does he has to terrorize me?_

After I finished changing my clothes and grabbed my stuff. I walked past the group of boys and was about to head back home. The boys were calling after me, but I walked out of the dorm and out of the building, taking the next bus to my place. I turned off my phone, too mad to talk with anyone.

When I reached my place, I took a quick shower and went straight to bed. The hangover still present in my brain.


	2. Save it

After the little argument between me an Jooheon, both of us concluded that we both didn’t reacted in a very good way and we agreed to act as if that argument never happened in the first place.  
Since then we both went back to our normal routines of life, him being a busy Idol and me being a normal student and part timer at a cafe. Despite Jooheon having a girlfriend, we both met as regularly as possible. Those meetings were alright like there’s no difference. Well I don’t like to lie and say that completely everything is just like before. The only difference is him and his phone.

His phone is laying constantly beside him, screen up. In the past his phone was either upside down, screen facing downwards or kept completely away. Mostly I don’t give a damn about how he lays his phone or where he puts it. My major problem with it is his girlfriend who is constantly asking him where he is, what he’s doing and with whom he is.  
She tells him to meet her whenever she finds out that I’m in his presence. Sure, if I’d be his girlfriend I’d also be mad when he’s around other women. But my second problem with her is the fact, that I really can’t stand her. At the beginning I really tried my best to get to know her. I know it’s important for my Honey that his Girlfriend and Best Friend would get along together **.  
**But this Woman told me right into my face that I should F**k off and leave her and him alone. She’s really rude towards me whenever we are alone. When the other members are around, she’ s acting extremely nice.Butthe worst thing about her, is that she talks bad about him, behind his back.

I went out with some of my friends from college, after our hunger was grabbing our attention, we decided to grab some food. I saw this woman with someone else, another men who was not her actual ‘boyfriend’. I wanted to sit far away from her, but one of my friends insisted to stay a little close, just to spy on her. I’m happy my friends know about the whole situation, or else I would’ve gone mad crazy if I woudn’t have told anyone in the first place.  
And then I heard Jooheons name thrown into the room. She made fun of him, like how naive he is and how his Aegyo makes him look completely stupid. I know his Aegyo can be annoying and cringey, but she talked about it as if it’s the worst and most disgusting thing in the world.  
She also claimed that she wanted a real man and not a big baby like him, she then continued and finished her rant with “It doesn’t matter anyway he’s an Idol, when our relationship becomes public. I can become an actress and can dump him right away. And we can be together afterwards. Until now, I can spend his money without worry.”  
Those words brought so much anger into my system, I was ready to jump on that stupid woman and punch her right across the face.

But my only option was, so I wouldn’t get a restriction order or go to jail, was to talk to Jooheon about it. I tried it and failed, he thought I was just jealous because he was spending more time with her and not me. I gave up after a while, excepting the fact he won’t believe me until he sees everything with his own eyes.

Now I’m here sitting with my personal psychologist Mr Yoo Kihyun. Who actually sided my side after he saw the true face of the snake. He understood my concerns and could relate perfectly.

“How was your meeting with Jooheon?” Kihyun made us both a cup of tea and sat down in front of me.

“The same procedure as always, me talking to a wall and him staring at his stupid phone grinning like a clown and leaving after 15 minutes.” I stated bluntly, not really looking in Kihyuns direction, rather into some random corner in the kitchen. Kihyun sipped on his tea humming in response.

“As bad as always.” cleared Kihyun.

“True, sadly we haven’t been meeting up that often anymore. I guess his snake wants more of him now.” my attention now on the hot tea.

“Jooheon has been on his phone throughout dance practice or left sneakily with the snake. The other members got really mad at him and nagged him about it. She visits us quit often and tries to flirt with the others, when Jooheon is not around.” Kihyun gave me daily updates about their schedules when the snake comes around.

_A little gossip won’t hurt right?_

“Are you talking about snake again?” The voice made itself clear, when Hoseok entered the Kitchen after his workout. He grabbed a bottle of cold water and his protein mix. Hoseok wasn’t a fan of Jooheons Girlfriend just like me and Kihyun. The other members weren’t on a good level with her either. All of them disliked her since they saw how she’s been playing and manipulating Jooheon. They acted as if they would like her, only for their rapper.  
Except for my honest ass, who couldn’t hold back her displeased attitude. When she bit I bit back. When she barks, I bark back. Simple.

And Jooheon is _~sorry_ but, he’s too stupid to see anything past his love-bubble.

“Who else?” Kihyun couldn’t hold back his sarcasm and took another sip of his tea.

“Have you told Y/N what happened at today’s dance practice?” Hoseok sat down beside me, protein-shake in his hand shaking it.

“I was about to tell her when you walked in.”

“What happened today?” I questioned, my eyes switching between both men. Hoseok drank a bit of his shake.

“Well, she visited Jooheon and normally when you come over you bring food for all of us right? -” I nodded and Hoseok continued.

“She bought nothing, Jooheon whined like a baby, threw his aegyo over her and asked her why she didn’t bought something for us to eat. And stated that you always do that. She whined and said she didn’t had time to get something and rushed to him after work. Only to see him as fast as she could. Well that’s what she said. Jooheon became soft and forgave her. And was lovey-dovey with her until they left to have some ‘private-time’.”

“Ok she forgot food and what’s so bad about it? I forgot it sometimes too.” I clarified and stated that it’s not extremely bad when you forget to bring them something. These boys could get so needy when it’s about food, they should chill at some point. I know that they’re busy but others are busy too.

“When you forget it, you go and get us something without blinking twice. This woman actually, she whined that she’s too tired to go and get something and then claimed, she should take a break. She also said that she’s hungry and wants to eat. She requested from Jooheon, that he should go and get her something. Wanna know what he did?”

“He went didn’t he?” I continued.

“He did.“ I rolled my eyes as far into my head as I could. This boy is too naive and oblivious.

“Did he went alone?” I asked.

“No Changkyun went with him, against his will.” stated Kihyun.

“The worst thing was, that the moment Jooheon left the room. She started to cling onto Shownu-hyung again. Until he came back. Luckily, Hyung ignored her and kindly rejected her.” Hoseok wasn’t done with his gossip and continued.

I never saw Hoseok getting so worked up over a person. I mean he is one of the most sweetest person in the world. He’s a bunny after all. He would never talk bad about a person, only if they are the most toxic and disgusting people in the world, who deserve no respect. As he ranted, his voice got more stern and frustrated, it surprised me that he didn’t started to get louder.

“At least she didn’t cling onto you anymore.” Kihyun finished his cup of tea and made himself a new one.

“Do you think I’m not relieved myself? My biggest wish is, that she would leave us all alone. It’s so stressful with her.” Hoseok got more frustrated and drank more of his mix.

“Hoseok-oppa, please don’t work up yourself too much. She’s not worth it.” I laid my hand between Hoseoks shoulder blades and rubbed the spot underneath my palm. Trying to fix the tension in his back.

“Y/N-ah, when will you actually visit us at practice again? It’s been lonely without your visits.” Kihyun sat back down after making his cup of tea.

“I don’t know, I just wanna avoid meeting her. And I can’t read her mind and tell when she’s coming over. “ I kept my hand on Hoseoks back, letting it rest there for a while.

“Sad. Y/N-ssi, would you like to work out together, maybe tomorrow?” I looked at Hoseok after he stated his request.

“Sure, why not? Maybe I’m able to ease my mind from the stress that I have lately. I couldn’t bring up myself to work out.” out of reflex, I rubbed my palm against Hoseoks back again, looking straight into his eyes. They lightened up and his lips formed a smile.

“That’s great, Tomorrow? Changkyun wanted to join us anyway, should I ask him?” I nodded and let out a humming sound. Right then, Hosoek stood up to search for the Maknae.

“I’ll go ask him ok?” I nodded again, we both exchanged smiles before he left the kitchen and left me with Kihyun alone.

“We have to find a way to get rid of Jooheons Girlfriend, the longer they are together, the more Jooheon becomes a mindless slave. And maybe ends up in a scandal.” Kihyun was as concerned as me about Jooheon.

Kihyun and I spend the rest of the time talking about random things, not wasting any more braincells. By the time, Hosoek rejoined us in the kitchen. We talked and laughed together until it was time to make dinner.

Dinner was done fast and the rest of the boys except for Jooheon, went straight to eat, not questioning where he was. I sat together with them to enjoy the meal Kiyhun and I prepared. We all chatted a little, before we actually headed directly into the food. Shownu already stuffed his face, when the meal hit the table. We all were in our own world not noticing the missing male entering the dorm.

“Oh Dinner is done, come here Jagya ~ sit down. Hyung move a little so we can both sit down.” The moment I heard Jooheons voice, my head snapped right to his direction. Out of habit, I was about to offer him to sit next to me. But a stinging pain in my chest stopped me from it, after I saw a person I definitely was not ready to meet again.

“Jooheon, go get yourself and your guest a chair.” Kiyhun demanded that Jooheon should do something, since he came late for dinner.

“Hyung, that’s my guest, I should accompany her, why don’t you get a chair? Y/N-ah! Would you bring two chairs? Thank you!” Jooheon sat down taking two chairs that stood beside them. I said nothing and just did what I was told, if I’d opened my mouth, nothing good would come out. Yet I couldn’t hold back my unpleased expression, because of that I’m never going to play poker. I’m too easy to read. As I turned around to make my way to get the chairs. I heard someone standing up.

“Wait Y/N I’ll help you.” Shownu rounded the table and followed me.

“You don’t have to do that.” I assured him, but I was still thankful that I didn’t have to get the furniture by myself.

“Don’t worry Y/N, I just took this opportunity to get away from them. She got too close to my liking.” I could clearly hear the discomfort in his voice. Slightly becoming worried about the leader.

“I don’t know how to handle this situation, she always tries to come closer. Especially when I inform her to give me space or when I reject her approaches.” Another man frustrated by this woman. I sighed.

_How I could I help you?_

“I don’t know either, Jooheon is clearly too oblivious. It seems like he doesn’t want to see all the struggles you have with her.“ We reached the room and grabbed the two chairs.

“We have our fault too, we don’t tell him what we feel about his girlfriend. He seems too happy with her and we don’t want to ruin it. You know?” Shownu was right. No one could tell Jooheon that they disliked his girlfriend, they love him too much and they don’t want him to see him hurt. I actually came to my own conclusion to accept the situation, only for Jooheon.

Shownu and I returned to the others and sat down. Shownu actually stayed next to me, to avoid sitting next to Jooheons Girlfriend. The only inconvenience was that she sat right in front of us, across the table.

The dinner went pretty good, we were chatting a little, taking our time and enjoying the moment. In the corner of my eye I noticed that Jooheon kept whispering something into his Girlfriends ear. My eyes landed on her plate, it was empty. She wasn’t eating, Changkyun noticed my stare and talked for me.

“Hyejin-ssi, why aren’t you eating?”

“Oh I’m just not really hungry at the moment.”

Changkyuns eyebrows formed a frown and turned back to his plate and then at mine.

“Y/N-ssi here, eat some. Have you tried that Kimchi? My Mom made that for us.” The Maknae laid a small portion of Kimchi onto my plate, grabbed another dish and laid more on the same spot.

“Try these two together and your tastebuds will thank me.” I chuckled, I took my chopsticks into my hand and digged in until -

“I think you shouldn’t eat that, that looks too greasy and unappetizing”

_That snake really got the nerve to criticize my babys creation !_

I took a deep breath, letting it slide away. I forced a fake smile towards her.

“Thank you Changkyun!” I turned my face towards the man beside Minhyuk and shoved the combination into my mouth. Ignoring the disgusted face of the woman in front of me.

My eyes widened at the taste, a moan vibrating in my throat. My eyes laid on Changkyuns satisfied and bright smile.

“See? Where’s my praise?”

“My tastebuds are pleased!” I praised the Maknae, while chewing the content in my mouth, covered by my hand. Me and Changykun exchanged a fist-bump across the table.

“Y/N-ssi, try these too.” Shownu handed me another combination, I excepted it with a warm heart, thankful for their gestures. After finishing Changkyuns creation, I opened my mouth to let Shownu feed me. The bite too big, I had to throw back my head to let the piece slip into my mouth.

Another explosion of flavors, occurred on my tongue. This time a bit too hot, I breathed through my process of chewing. Letting cold air enter through my lips, to cool it off. All men were amused by my attempt of eating without spilling food out of the corner of my lips. When I had enough room in my mouth, to be able to talk, I opened my lips but shut them immediately after opening.

“Ew, don’t you have manners?” The womans face showed no mercy in holding back her emotions of disgust. I swallowed the rest in my mouth hard. Looking her dead in the eye. My heart was racing, I was mad, never did I build up a desire to spit into someones face. Shownu quickly noticed my anger and placed his hand over mine. I looked at him, speaking with my face.

_Have you heard that?_

He looked at me, daring not to say anything wrong, something I’ll regret later.

“Well excuse me miss, in future I’ll behave more decent and look after my table manners.” I flashed her yet another fake smile. When I got a weird look as response, I turned my attention to my plate, not feeling hungry anymore.

After we finished eating dinner, we stayed at the table talking about random stuff. I felt Shownu tugging a little on the hem of my shirt, asking for my attention. I gladly turned to him escaping the heated discussion between the Maknae line. His face getting closer to mine, avoiding to attract unwanted attention.

“I know you’re still mad but I need your help. I don’t know what to do” He looked sneakily down under the table, I leaned back to have a better view. She was brushing her feet against Shownus legs. My gaze landed on her, she looked innocent on the surface. But underneath that table, she’s a (enter swear word or anything that is insulting). She lifted her leg, her feet brushing against Shownus knees. She was reaching for his sensitive spot. I slapped her leg away, before she could reach higher than his knees. She snapped her head towards our direction, we avoided her gaze, looking in two completely different directions. I noticed Jooheons gaze, in the corner of my eyes. He saw my action, a confused frown plastered his face. His girlfriend reached to him, whispering something in his ear. His frown getting deeper, his eyes displeased by my sight.

I ignored him, turning my attention back to the conversation between the males next to me. Shownu leaned onto my back, his chin on my shoulder, trying to hear more of the conversation. I didn’t mind him, but someone else did. Shownu was too close for his liking, anger filled his chest, suddenly mad at me.

“How can people come up with those kind of things?” and after Minhyuks remark, our topic changed yet again from the new scarf Minhyuk bought his puppy, to Hoseoks new found Smoothie mix, to a comparison between my and Changkyuns butt. It then switched to one of Jooheons cats throwing up into Hyungwons sneaker. Here we are now talking about kinks.

“Hyung don’t you have some type of kink too? Don’t you have something that turns you on unintentionally? “ asked Changkyun to attack his older friend.

“I don’t think so.” Minhyuk laughed a bit irritated at the Maknae. I was too irritated by the sudden changes of topics, that my mind went completely blank. No input, no information, all gone after one stupid statement. At this point I couldn’t follow the conversation.

“Y/N-ssi. Tell us what turns you on. What body part makes you - ”

“Yah Maknae! Don’t ask Y/N something like that!” Jooheon snapped and told Changkyun to back off, clearly not amused by that topic. His ears turned red, his breathing heavy, he looks like as if he’s embarrassed or really uncomfortable as if someone asked him that question.

“Jooheon, don’t get so feisty now, it’s just for fun.” Hoseok tried to ease the tension, that has been building up because of Jooheons outburst.

“I don’t think that this is supposed to be fun. Look at her, she’s clearly uncomfortable because of that.” Jooheon pointed at me, the others followed his hand that pointed towards me. My eyes widened, I straighten myself, clearing my throat.

“Jooheon, it’s really no big deal though.-” my face relaxed after I processed the situation and kept calm.

“And it’s not like I can’t answer for myself. Yes I do have some kind of thing that turns me on. It’s a muscular back, really well structured and strong.” I finished and turned to the others away from Jooheon. I saw Changkyun smiling, he then turned to Minhyuk and slapped his arm.

“I thought you like thighs?” Jooheon responded to my answer a little confused, but still mad.

“That too Jooheon.” He grabbed my attention and I let out a chuckle after seeing his confused face. He clearly wasn’t himself tonight, he was too moody and has too many mood changes in a few hours.

“So I that means Hoseok-hyung would be a perfect match for you, right?” Hyungwon laughed a little after his suggestion followed by chuckles of five other men.

“No he wouldn’t, he’s too muscular for her.” Jooheon now joined the conversation and argued with his other members. While his girlfriend was clearly mad at the attention I was getting from all the men in this room.

“Oh sorry, I forgot. Kihyun is her partner in crime.”

“Stop that’s not what I meant.” Jooheon amused us all. He’s too easy too tease, an easy target for amazing reactions. I tried to keep my chuckle low, but unfortunately, Jooheon saw my amusement and glared at my figure.

“Don’t you wanna say something Y/N-ssi?” he asked me and I shook my head in response. We all kept making fun of Jooheon, like old times. Forgetting that one person at the table.

She was furious, mad and jealous. She hated the moment, our interactions. Especially one person, the person who could ruin all her plans, the person who she needs to destroy, to ruin. The person who is everything to Jooheon, the person he loves the most.

This person was me.


	3. Work it out

I lifted the weights above my head, stretching my muscles. My arms started to burn a little, but this burn was bearable. I started my workout together with Changkyun and Hoseok, after their schedule. Their manager told them to take a break from their long week of promotions. We three started to work out together, a week ago. It‘s really nice not to do it alone though and Hoseok gave Changkyun and me some really useful advices on how to improve our workout routine. I even changed some of my old routines.  
Hoseok made sure I stood straight, his hand right in the middle of my back, keeping me steady. He counted from 1 to 20 as I kept going.

“18, 19 and 20. Good Y/N, you should take a break now, stretch your arms a little.” I did as he told me so, I laid down the weights and stretched my arms. I bend my upper body forward followed by my arms. I let out a small groan as the pain went through my back.

“Y/N-ssi! You’ve been too hard on yourself, shouldn’t you be a bit more careful? You might hurt yourself.” Changkyun noticed my latest obsessive workout sessions. He did told me that many times by now, every time we workout together. My response was always the same.

“Don’t worry Changkyun. I’m fine, you guys are here to help me and nothing would happen to me.” But honestly, I felt the opposite. I wasn’t fine at all, my body felt numb since the past weeks. I wouldn’t go out, I’m emotionally drained and it sucked. My body was only responding to my emotional circumstances, my heart has been aching without any break. Every thought about this whole situation with Jooheon and his girlfriend pulled a sharp pain through my chest. Never did I felt so lovesick in my entire life. The worst thing is, that I did not had even one chance to see him. He’s not talking to me anymore. No texts, no calls, nothing, complete silence from his side. Jooheon only talks to me when I talk to him first, but when he responded it’s cold, he’s avoiding me. I don’t know what his problem is. I did nothing wrong, I actually started to act nice towards his girlfriend, since the other boys do it, to make him feel better.

“Y/N? -” I was lost in my thoughts until Hoseok called out my name to bring me back to reality.

“Are you really ok?” my wide eyes met Hoseoks, his features showed concern. I hated that face, especially when it’s directed to me. I shook my head and broke a smile towards him.

“No, I’m really fine. You don’t have to worry about me. Come on let’s do some more exercises?” I stood up, I tried to reach to one of the weights, but got pulled back by Hoseok.

“No, I want you to tell us what’s wrong.”

“We can see that something’s bothering you, so speak up! We won’t bite! We’re just worried about you.” Changkyun added his words to Hoseoks sentence. Their worried expressions were like salt in my wounded heart. I let out a sigh, giving up on trying to convince them the opposite.

“Ok, I’m not fine. Absolutely not.” I sat down and burried my face in the palms of my hands, I couldn’t face them, I wanted to hide. Tears started to build up in my eyes, I tried to hold them back as best as I could. But when I noticed a figure kneeling down infront of me and someone sitting next to me. I couldn’t hold them back anymore. The pain that builded itself up, was now flowing out of me like a fountain. Tears stained my face, my hands now wet. Both men waited until I calmed down. They comforted me, a pair of hands rubbed my knees, while the other man was framing my body with his arms, hands gently rubbing against my arms. The warmth from both comforted me and soon after I was ready to talk.

“I don’t know what to do! I don’t even know what I did wrong. Why is he ignoring me?” Glady both knew who I was talking about, they kept quiet until I finished my rant.

“I tried my best to be nice to her. I respected all cancelations of our plans, not once did I bitched around, when he told me he couldn’t meet me. Not once was I agressive towards him or her. I insinuated no conflict between us. Why is he so distant suddenly? Why is he acting so cold towards me?” I finished with a loud sob ecsaping my lips and burried my face in between my hands.

“School and work has been too much already, but why does he have to be like that towards me? I did nothing to him to hate me like that. I tried to talk to him about it, but he’s avoiding me, every damn time.” My heart was talking for me, the pain was too much to handle. I know that I love him, but I didn’t knew it would affect me that much. I’m scared of myself at this point, it must be the stress from work or school. It’s too stupid to be sad about their feelings, especially in a situation like that. Jooheon wasn’t my boyfriend or lover at all. He’s my bestfriend, only a friend and it was my stupid ass who fell in love with him. A stupid ass who knew, he would never fall in love with someone like me. I knew he would eventually fall in love with someone else, I knew he would be someone’s someone. But it was too soon for me to accept it. I was too delusional, to think he would eventually return my feelings.

Eventually I stopped crying, my eyes red and puffy, at this point I didn’t cared about how I looked infront of two Idols. Right now, they were my friends who took care of me and comforted me.

“I don’t know what to say to comfort you. We don’t know either what’s wrong with him.” Changkyun tried his best to find the right words, he’s clearly mad at his older friend, for being a dick that he is at the moment.

“He’s normally not like that, I bet that the snitch changed him to no good.” continued the rapper. His frustration was clear in his words.

“We see him, not talking to you. We see that you try your best for him. We have your back and it breaks our heart to see you crying like that. But if you want to let all out, cursing, screaming, no matter what. We’ll let you! But please do not let everything within you and do not build up the pain. It hurts to see you that broken. We see behind that fake smile of yours, we know you too good by now, to read your face.” Hoseok held me tight in his arms, swaying me from left to right. His grip on me got stronger as his words were streaming from his lips.

His warm chest, heated my shoulder, giving me some kind of comfort. I realised that he was right, I can’t keep my thoughts and emotions in me for too long, or else I’d die from sadness and a broken heart. But I didn’t knew who I could confess my feelings and thoughts to. My dark thoughts overtook my daily routines, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. School was tormenting and work unbearable.

I knew I should be mad, I should scream, shout, curse! But I couldn’t. Words couldn’t be laid on my tongue, my mind was yet again dark without a trace of thoughts. I didn’t even knew if I was mad at him, his girlfriend or even myself. I just hated being myself that’s it. The workout should’ve helped me getting rid of these thoughts, but it didn’t. How was I supposed to continue living if I can’t even do the simpliest things in this world, without thinking about him.

_I’m going insane!_

About a man who doesn’t and will never love me back and instead hates me for a reason I don’t know. Those thoughts brought back a stream of tears.

I could feel how someone wrapped his arms around my trembling body, rocking me forward and backward. Changkyuns scent filled my nose, my tears wetting his shirt. My crying muffled in his chest, sending vibrations towards his body. He didn’t let go of me until I calmed down for the second time this moment. His grip on me loosened, searching for my eyes. Hoseok left to for a moment, to come back. He gave me a glas of water, I took it thankfully and placed it between my lips. The cold liquid went down my dry throat, thankful for the moisture. Both waited for me to speak up.

“I feel so sorry, you shouldn’t see me like that. You shouldn’t deal with a mess like me. I don’t deserve all of your kindness, I really don’t, But - “I tried to hold back my sobs with full force.

“Don’t say something like that, we’re here for you. Please! You can tell us whatever you like, we won’t judge you.” Hoseoks words warmed my heart, the pain still present.

“I don’t know what to do. I just want him back as my bestfriend. He doesn’t have to love me or be my lover. Even if I have feelings for him, I still want to be by his side, to support him in any way I can. I can hold back my feelings for him, I just don’t want to loose him like that. Especially for something I am not aware of. If he truly don’t wants to do any business with me, then he should at least tell what I did wrong. I just want to know what I did, that makes him want to ignore me. These thoughts kill me, I’m just so worried about him. I want to be there for him, but it’s hard when he pushes me away.” The words streamed out of my mouth, not shuting for a moment. Every word I said were like a sharp pain through my chest, unbearable.

“I know it’s hard, but I guess you have to give him some time, he’ll eventually talk to you. I guess it’s not the right moment now. Give him some time and space. He may need it now.” Changkyun was right. I shouldn’t be too selfish and force an answer from him. Maybe he did went through some struggles and needed some time alone.  
But why does it hurt so much this time. It’s not the first time in our live, that Jooheon took some time for his own, to line-up his thoughts. But it only lasted for a couple of hours and now it has been a few weeks. He clearly was mad at me for some reason and I couldn’t tell why.

The only thing I could do was to accept and wait, till he comes to me and talks.

“I think we should stop for today, you should rest. If you continue you might blackout throughout the workout and I don’t want you to get hurt.” Hoseok patted my head, as some kind of comforting gesture. I’m glad they didn’t judge me for my crying and I’m thankful for Changkyuns honest words.

I hate to say it, but I really do love those dorks and I couldn’t leave them like that. A smile creeped up at the cornor of my lips.

“Oh Y/N is smiling, she’s smiling!” Changkyun exclaimed, earning a laugh from me and Hoseok.

“Ok Come on! We should go to the living room, I guess the others would come back soon.” Changkyun pointed at the door.

“I should get home, I have to go to work in a few hours and I need to get ready.” I hated to say it and I don’t want to go out like this, but I needed to.

“What? You should stay here, take a shower and rest.” Changkyun insisted that I should stay.

“I’m sorry, but I have to. Thank you for the offer, but I think I would like to have some time for myself before I leave for work.” Changkyun nodded in understanding and didn’t continue to argue with me.

“Should I drive you home? It’s better than going by bus.” Hoseok insisted looking straight at my figure.

“You don’t have -”

“No! I mean it. I’ll drive you, give me a few seconds. Let me change real quick and get the car keys.” Hoseok walked out of the self made gym. Giving me no time to respond.

Changkyun and I waited for him in the kitchen. After a few minutes, Hoseok came back ready and we both made our way towards the door. Changkyun followed us and we said our goodbyes.

“Be careful Y/N and don’t worry you’re not alone.” I smiled at his words and Hoseok guided me out. We walked towards the car, I sat down in the passenger seat. Hoseok drove off onto the street, bringing me to my apartement.

By the time, the members came back to the dorm, seeing Changkyun all alone in the living room. Kihyun spoke up as his eyes landed on the lonely member.

“Where’s Hoseok-hyung? Weren’t you both working out with Y/N-ssi?”

Kihyuns words catched the attention of one certain member. Jooheon heard your name for many times, but now he felt like he needed to listen more carefully. A weird feeling was building up in his chest, when his older bandmate questioned after your well-being.

“We did workout, Hoseok-hyung is bringing Y/N-ssi back home. He said he’ll be back in a while.” Changkyun answered innocently, his eyes still fixed on the tv.

“Why is Hoseok-hyung bringing Y/N back home?” Jooheon grabbed Changkyuns attention. The Maknae was clearly confused by Jooheons tone of voice. Many questions floated through his mind, but he kept them by himself.

“He doesn’t wanted her to go alone, that’s why.” Changykuns phone vibrated, signaling a message from the missing Hyung.

“He just texted, that he’ll come later. He’s bringing Y/N to work and will return after that.” The other members gathered on the couch, while Jooheon, Shownu and Kihyun still stood in the middle of the room.

“Why is he suddenly so nice to her? She’s clearly old enough to go to work alone, she doesn’t need a babysitter.” the annoyance in Jooheons voice was clear by now.

“Yea Jooheon, she’s old enough to even decide what to wear on her own.” Hyungwons words pierced the tense air and Jooheon let out a huff, disbelieved by his words.

Jooheon wouldn’t let that slide that off so easily.

“Well **I am her bestfriend!** And I clearly am allowed to have some type of decision making on what she could wear and what not.”

“You don’t seem like her best friend, in my perspective.” Kihyun got defensive and added his own salt.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“What I’m talking about? Jooheon, you clearly have only time for your girlfriend at this point. Did you actually know that Y/N passed the big exam she studied for the past months? Did you know that her sister is visiting at the end of december? Do you actually know anything about her from the past months?” continued Kihyun.

“If you know so damn much about her, why don’t you lable yourself as her best friend?” Jooheon was enraged, he knew he would regret those words later on, but now wasn’t the moment to back down. He was mad.

“I will then. I bet I do a much better job in being her bestfriend than you’ve been the past months.”

“Stop now, both of you!” Shownu interrupted the two men.

Jooheon scoffed and walked off, not looking back at his friends. A loud bang echoed through the dorm and a lock turned.

“Why did you enraged him like that?” Shownu was a little dissapointed at Kihyun for making Jooheon upset.

“Sorry Hyung, I couldn’t help myself. I’m just so mad at him, he’s not aware of how his relationship with his girlfriend effects us all. Especially Y/N.” his mother instinct came out and defended himself and the others. He was just worried about everyone and you. He saw how devastated you are, how drained you’ve been lately, how lifeless your smile looked like. Your sad smile burned like a mark in his mind.

“Kihyun.” Shownu patted the younger one on the back as Kihyun sat down next to Changkyun. The Maknae kept quite, not mentioning your mental breakdown in the gym room. He knew everyone was worried, but he wouldn’t want to put more pressure on you, when everyone would ask about your well being.  
If someone has to talk about your feelings, than it’s you and no one else.

The door opened and Hoseok appeared in the living room. The tension in the room did not go unnoticed by the man.

“What happened?” Hoseok asked and all five men looked at the said man.

“Jooheon and Kihyun argued” Minhyuk summarized the event quickly.

“Why?” Hoseok was still confused and wanted to know what exactly happened.

“Jooheon got mad, that you brought Y/N back home.” Changkyun added and looked the man straight in the eyes. Hoseok scoffed, disbelieved by Jooheons behavior.

“I’ll go talk to him.” Hoseok was about to go to Jooheon, when Changkyun stopped him with a pleading look.

“Don’t go, give him some time.”

“Give him time? Are you serious? Do you know how much of an affect he has on this whole situation? Does he know how much he hurts the people around him? Especially the people who dearly love him with their whole heart?” His last words were the most heavy ones, since everyone knew who he was referring to.

He wanted answers, you wanted answers, everyone wanted answers. Hoseok was ready to fight the younger one so you could find peace in this whole situation. The relationship between you and Jooheon affected everyone. The worst pain Hoseok got from this whole situation is that no one heard your words when you and Hoseok were alone.  
Words that still ringed in his ears, the pain still lingered in his chest. Those heartbroken words, words of true heartbreak and true sadness. He wished everyone would hear them, but he promised you, to tell no one.

Eventually Hoseok gave up after the Maknae gave him a warning look.

“Y/n-ssi said she won’t come for a while, she has to study for a test and needs time for herself. She doesn’t want to be interrupted for now.” He lied, he wanted to give you your well deserved space. You both agreed to you not visiting the dorm until you figured out your feelings. You needed space from Jooheon and being at the said place wouldn’t help.

No one argued against your request.

“I guess I’ll make some dinner.” Kihyun stood up and walked straight to the kitchen.

“I’ll help you.” Minhyuk followed the younger member and offered his help. The other members stayed in the living room and tried to relax a little. Suddenly loud music erupted from Jooheons room. The uneasy feeling in the dorm rised, all seven knew they needed space and time to cool down. They are brothers they won’t be mad at each other for too long.

After Hoseok dropped me off at work, I started my shift with drained muscles and sore limbs. Some time passed and I was full in work mode, I was able to forget about the situation a few hours ago. My mind was now immersed with work and no feelings, I put my feelings aside. Feeling coldness in my chest, my smile was empty and forced and no one noticed, gladly.

I finished to prepare an order from a customer and returned to the front to take a new order.

“Hello, what would you like to order?” the words automatically escaped though my mouth, my eyes fixed at the monitor in front of me.

“Look who we got here.” my head snapped up as my mind recognized the owners voice. She’s definitely the last person I wanted to see this day. Why does she have to come up at the worst moments ever.

“Hello Hyejin-ssi” I forced the kindness out of my guts and instantly hated myself.

“I haven’t seen you around lately. I started to miss you.” her sarcasm was clear and I let it slide. I tried to regain my pride and smile through this conversation.

“Well I haven’t been feeling well and that’s why I’m not around that often. The others had promotions, another reason we couldn’t meet.”

“I see.” her smirk plastered over her features, her eyes wouldn’t leave my face. As if she’s scanning me for some reason.

“Is something wrong?” I looked up through my lashes not fully facing her. My insecurity replacing my pride.

“No, just thinking why Jooheon would be with something like you. I mean you’re not even pretty and clearly out of his league. You shouldn’t be even worth of breathing the same air as him. You’re just some poor student who works at an unspecial and unpopular cafe.” she ranted. Heat spread in my chest as anger filled my upper body. It wasn’t only anger, but also sadness, hatered and insecurity. Suddenly I felt ashamed of myself.

“If you don’t like this cafe, why are you even here?” my only response, I don’t want to show her how her words actually affected me.

“Oh sweety I’m not here for your low-quality coffee. I’m actually here to tell you to back off, your ugly ass and leave me and the members of Monsta X alone. You clearly don’t fit into their lifestyle. You’re too boring, not even your body is really appealing and you say you’re working out? Girl, you seem like you are already exhausted when you lift your arm to pick up the remote. I guess the boys are too stupid to see what kind of stupid person you really are.” she continued and all my emotions switched to being offended and really mad. She’s not only insulting me but also my friends.

_Who does she think she is?_

I let out a scoff and looked aside, away from her for a short moment.

“If you’re only here to insult me and my friends or to question my friendship with seven really amazing, caring men and don’t want to order anything, than I suggest you to leave this cafe immediantly. You can insult me as much as you want but don’t ever call my friends stupid, you understand?” I gave her a stern look and recieved a larger smirk from the woman infront of me.

“Now you started to bark, did you learned that from your stupid friend who reffers to himself with I am?”

“I told you not to insult my friends and no I did not learn it from him. I know perfectly when to stand up for me and my friends and you are clearly overstepping your boundaries. I ask you one last time. Would you like to order? If not I’ll ask you nicely, for the last time, to leave this cafe real quick.” my patience started to shrink, I was about to burst and let everything out on her. The only thing that holds me back is our position - her being a customer and me being a waiter and preparing her order.

“Since Jooheon asked for a stupid Honey Latte from this stupid cafe, I’ll take a regular Cream Coffee.” she finished, her gaze now on the screen going through our offers of drinks and pastries.

I turned around and quickly made her order. Jooheons latte was done fast, since it’s his favorite and I did it plently of times, he would only drink my creation and no one elses. The other basic drink was done afterwards. I gave Jooheons girlfriend the drinks and she paid it. Before she would leave the counter, she tried a sip of her coffee. Her face showed a disgusted feature on her face, clearly displeased by the taste. Nothing should be wrong with the drink, it’s a basic I always made it perfectly fine.

“That tastes disgusting and you offer that to your customers?” she opened the lid of the coffee and emptied it over my face. Loud gasps erupted in the cafe, people were shocked by the sight. My coworker ran up to me asking me if I was alright. My eyes wouldn’t open, the coffee too hot, my clothes now full of the liquid.

“Oh god Y/N! What happened? Why did you threw that over her?” my coworker asked.

“The coffee tasted like garbage, I just threw that where it belonged, the trash.” she laughed and walked out of the cafe.

“Come on Y/N! I’ll bring you to the back. Dear customers I feel deeply sorry, that you had to see that.” she bowed towards the people in the cafe and brought me to the back.

“What happened? Was that the woman you’ve been talking about?” I answered nothing too empty to say anything. Tears started to form in my eyes for the fourth time this day.

“Oh Y/N, you know what? Go home, you need some time off. I’ll give you a week or two free, you seem not right in your mind. Ok?” she was clearly worried, she wiped off the remains of the coffee on my face. I said again, nothing.

“Youngbae! Go bring Y/N back home.”

“No! there’s no need for that I can go by myself!” I stopped her before her poor son has to bring me home, even though he definitely doesn’t have to. The desire to be alone was strong and I needed some time off, from the world around me.

“Are you sure?” I nodded, took my belonings and headed out of the cafe. Making my way to my apartement.

At this point, the lonliness hit me hard. My tears fell freely from my eyes, I didn’t stop them. Sadness took over my whole existence, small sobs shaking out of me.  
Never was my yearning for his embrace so strong, I needed his comfort, his warmth. Soft words of comfort in my ears, telling me that everything will be alright. Escaping reality together with him and now he’s not here. Too far from my reach, not even a call away, he’s just too far.

My world is gone, the light in my life, my reason to wake up and stay strong was taken away from me. So easily, I thought our bond was strong enough to overcome every circumstances or every storm.  
I was too blind and too stupid, this whole time. Why did I held myself onto him, for him to throw me away that easily.

_Did I even meant to him anything? Was I really an important person to him?  
_

Those thoughts kept in my head until I entered my apartment. It was dark, empty and cold. Why was I feeling this way? I feel so stupid yet again, why does this all effect me this much.

_Y/N stop with those stupid thoughts. That’s not you._

My fingers reached the light-switch, my apartment lighted up and I made my way straight to the bathroom. My clothes slipped off from my body and stepped under the shower. Hot drops of water kissed my cold skin, the air hot from the steam. My arms falling loosely from eachside of my body. My eyes watching a hole into the wall.

Mind blank.

After my shower, my body automatically walked towards the frigde, taking out a can of cold beer. My fingers opening the small lid, the gas escaping the small space within the can. I brought the cold can onto my lips taking a big gulp of it.  
The slight bitter sweet taste of the liquid spreading in my mouth and going down my throat. Cooling down, my now hot body.

I sat there quiet, small, empty and alone.


	4. Secret admirer

Jooheons girlfriend reached the dorm the excitement didn’t leave her body, after the recent events. She was so proud of her actions, the smile plastered on her face didn’t fade even for a second. The devastated look you had was like a reward for herself. She ringed the bell and soon after a man in his early 20s opened the door, not looking amused to see her. **  
**

Changkyuns throat tightened as he saw the woman in the doorframe, he wasn’t in the mood to greet her.

“Jooheon is in his room” he left the entrance and walked straight to the kitchen joining Kihyun and ignoring the woman.

“Hello everyone!” she cheerily greeted the remaining men, while she walked past them. She got ignored, she didn’t cared and made her way towards her ‘boyfriend’. She knocked at the door, coffee still in her hand, ready to give it to him. The music from the opposite side got turned off, Jooheons legs dragged him towards the door, unlocking it and revealing a cheery woman with a big smile all over her face.Like a mirror, his smile replaced the frown and he invited the woman into the room. **  
**

“Hi Honey! I brought you some Coffee!” the fakeness in her voice stayed unnoticed by the man. Jooheon wasn’t in the right state of mind, his mind felt dizzy and blurry.

“Thanks Jagi. How do I deserve your presence at this time of day? I thought you’re busy and had to work extra.” Jooheon took the cup in his hand, noticing the familiar label between his fingers. Giving no more thoughts into it, he sat down onto the seat he was previously sitting in. He was actually glad that his girlfriend visited him, maybe she was able to distract him from his unbearable thoughts.

“Plans got cancelled and I thought - why not visit my Baby-Honey?”

_Her Honey…_

The nickname too familiar and leaving a bitter aftertaste in his ears. The word Honey lingering in his head with your unforgettable voice. He stared at the cup, not looking at the woman in front of him.

“Did something happen?” Her voice brought him back to reality, snapping his head towards her. He directed a small smile at her, hiding his opposite state.

“No I’m fine, I’m just a little tired. I just got back from the studio and was sitting here trying to memorize the lyrics that have been going through my mind.” He lied, to her, to them, to you, to himself.

“You should drink some of your Coffee, It may wakens up your brain-cells a little and helps you remember the lyrics.” Her fake smile grew bigger, he ignored the salty taste he got from his girlfriends words and took a sip of the warm and creamy drink.

The taste was too familiar, he recognized it right away, the smell gave itself away. The sweet taste of a caring person, a warm hug, a comforting warmth. The strong taste of coffee mixed with a cream enhanced by a perfect amount of fresh honey. It’s not too sweet, just like his taste. Your smile mirrored in this cup of Latte, your face flooded his mind, a knot building up in his throat. A stinging pain right through his heart, his mouth becoming dry. His eyes stared down onto the cup, searching for a message you’d normally leave for him. But there was none. Sadness overtook him, regret filling his upper body. Tears started welling up in the back of his eyes, waiting for release. But he wouldn’t let them escape he had to be stronger and fight them. He needed to let you go, he had to. You were no longer his and he was no longer yours. You left him with his feelings alone, you were the first who fell in love with someone else and not him.

He hated you for playing him like that, he thought he meant more to you. He was wrong, he needed to distract himself from you, to find someone he could give his love to. But it was too hard for him, his yearning for you became even stronger, the only way he could go is to replace his love with hatred.  
At the end, his hatred wasn’t towards you, it was directed to him. He lost his small hope to bring you back into his arms, he missed his opportunity to get back close to you.

And he regretted it.

“I met Y/N at the cafe.” his girlfriend reached for his attention and catched it right away, after your name slipped through her lips. Jooheon hummed in response, holding the cup tighter and did not spare a look at the woman next to him.

“She seemed pretty happy, she also told me a lot about Wonho. It seems like they started a thing. It’s obvious since they spent so much time together right?” And that’s when Hyejin got him. Jooheons jaw clenched together, his face becoming stone hard. His eyes glaring at a spot in the room, still avoiding his girlfriends gaze. He don’t wanted to show her how those news really affected him, so he wouldn’t hurt her feelings. He got even more mad and frustrated.

“Wasn’t she with Kihyun first?” Jooheon spat those words out with so much disgust. Her smile grew bigger.

“I don’t know, maybe she’s hooking up with both? I guess for her one is not enough.” her teasing brought Jooheon over the edge, he was enraged. He wanted to confront you and his other members. But they would only question him.

He’d like it more if you wouldn’t show up anymore, to leave him and the members alone. But mostly his heart, you’ve been haunting him even more. Jooheon stood up walking towards the door, confronting you.

“Don’t! Why are you so fed up? Just leave her alone and relax. Y/N only stresses you, you should forget about her.” she stopped him, even though she loved the way he was ready to fight you. She wanted you to be destroyed by the man you love and make Jooheon her lifeless doll and the first thing she needed to get rid of are his feelings for you. She needed to separate you two and her plan was slowly building back up. Her success was close.

A few weeks past and Jooheon hasn’t seen you around often, it seemed like you disappeared. Good for him, that was the perfect time for him to actually start and get rid of his feelings for you. Even if it was too hard for him, sometimes he would debate with himself whether to give you a call or not. Or ask his members how you are, but his pride went against it.

You had some time to take good care of yourself, were you healed? No. Your heart was still in pain, but you knew you had to move on anyway, tomorrow or now, it didn’t matter but you slowly made it.

You had the strength to visit the dorm a few times when Jooheon wasn’t around. You were even able to visit the other members at the studio. Sometimes would Hosoek invite you to his studio, when he felt lonely or when he, Minhyuk or Hyungwon were bored and needed some entertainment from you. Changkyun grew kinda attached to you, since your mental breakdown. He worried a lot about you and texted whenever he could to make sure you were alright. And Kihyun, he became more sensitive around you, always making sure that you feel great. His whole attention went onto you, he would look onto his phone more often, waiting for a message from you or a call to pick up right away. When you would visit the dorm, he would always prepare your favorite food or buy you your favorite snacks and drinks. Kihyun got too worried about you, after Changkyun confessed to him what had happened in the gym room.

Minhyuk suggested to have a night with some drinks and a great meal, since the past events were pretty exhausting and draining. All the members agreed and prepared everything. Jooheon was glad he could spend some time with the other members and even helped Minhyuk and Shownu to get the drinks or even helped Kihyun in the kitchen at some point.

“I’m so glad we are done for today and then 24 hours of freedom!” Changkyun dropped on the floor in the living room, followed by the others.

“And therefor we gotta have a drink!” Minhyuk was excited to release the tension from all those practice sessions and their overall busy schedules. He filled all seven cups and grabbed his, pulling it up to the air.

“Let’s enjoy and forget about all the worries tonight!” the sound of kissing glass erupted and cheers filled the room. The liquid got drowned by all, Shownu was the first to dig into the food. After the first bottles of Soju were emptied, the members got more relaxed and random topics filled the members heads.

“Who got plans for tomorrow?” Changkyun started, curious about the others.

“I’ll most likely sleep-in tomorrow and maybe play some video games. I’ll just relax.” Hyungwon was the first to respond, but his answer wasn’t really surprising to the others.

“I may visit my parents. I haven’t seen them in a while and you Changkyun?” added Shownu.

“I don’t know maybe play some video games like Hyungwon-hyung or going to the studio and make some music.”

“Yah! Why do you have to go to the studio all the time? We are free tomorrow and you choose to work?” Minhyuk nagged, not pleased by the answer.

“Hyung- “

“Let him do whatever he wants.” Changkyun got interrupted Hoseok

“Thank you hyung! But I’d would like to do something else though.”

“We could work out together and then go somewhere and watch a movie or so.” Hoseok suggested to spent the time together with the Maknae.

“Let’s ask Y/N-ssi if she’d like to hang out with us. Didn’t she said that she’s free for a few days?” Changkyun added.

“Sorry to break it to you, but me and Y/N are already going out together.” Kihyun interrupted the plan of the two men. Getting a side eye glare from a certain person.

“Oh really? Where are you going?” Minhyuk asked curious.

“Were going shopping and then we’re going to a cafe that opened a few days ago. Y/N heard about it and wanted to try it out.” Kihyun answered ignoring the angry energy building up from the person next to him. Jooheon tried his best not to be caught by his change of emotions and stayed still. His jealousy rose, he would go to new places with you. He would be the first to receive a text from you when you found something exciting.

“Uh! Sounds like a date” Minhyuk teased the male, with the intention of making the rapper a little jealous.

Minhyuk knew that Jooheon was still attached to you. Jooheon made it easy for him to see through his emotions. He wanted Jooheon to snap and accept his feelings for you and drop his so called girlfriend and he wasn’t the only one.

“Yah! Hyung! It’s not a date! We’re just hanging out like friends and nothing more. You know that.” Kihyun became a little embarrassed and his ears turned a little red. He got a bit nervous because of Jooheon. He did not wanted to get the male mad at him, for something that isn’t the way it is.

“Hey Kihyun! Can’t Changkyun and I join you two?” like knight in shining armor, Hoseok noticed how the anger started to well up within Jooheon and eased it.

“Good idea! Why not?” Kihyun catched up and agreed. But Jooheon wasn’t satisfied with it.

“Jooheon! What are your plans for tomorrow?” Changkyun tried to bring up something else, so the situation wouldn’t go too heated and end up in a disaster.

“I don’t know, I guess I’ll just stay in and do nothing”

“Aren’t you meeting your girlfriend?” asked Minhyuk.

“No she’s flying to Japan with her friends. Her flight goes tomorrow.” Jooheon took a bite of the food in front of him, hoping he won’t have to explain any further. Minhyuk nodded as a response. Silence filled the room, until Minhyuks phone went off and signaled a message. He looked on his phone finding your name on the screen, a smile creeped up on his face. The Maknae looked automatically onto the screen too, noticing your profile picture. His eyes flew over the chat between you and Minhyuk. He saw the picture Minhyuk send to you, a picture that he took when all gathered on the ground to take a group picture together.

“Who is texting you?” Hyungwon was curious too and leaned over Changkyuns back to look at the phone.

“Y/N just messaged me and wished us a lot of fun! She also said that Kihyun looks like a wet dog she saw on her way to work today” The three started to laugh while the said man got confused and reached for the phone.

“What? Show me! I don’t look like a wet dog!”

“Oh god! Kihyun you do actually look kinda on it!” Hoseok teased the younger one and all started to laugh again.

“What is Y/N doing now?” asked Changkyun.

“Don’t know, I’ll ask her real quick.” Minhyuks fingers worked fast, he received a message immediately.

“She just finished work and is heading home.”

“Why don’t we invite her over?” Shownu included himself gaining a few confused looks from the others. Minhyuks gaze switched from the leader to Jooheon and stayed on the rapper to wait for a reaction from him.

Jooheon lifted his gaze and met six pairs of eyes, waiting for a response of him.

“What? If you want to invite her, do so! I don’t mind.”

_Why did I said that?_

Why did Jooheons chest feel so weird all of a sudden? It was warm almost getting hot, he couldn’t tell if it was anger or annoyance. His heart started a race, beating too fast.  
Was he excited? No, it couldn’t be. How could he be excited to see you? He was supposed to hate you. But his heart won’t let him, he let those feelings slide away and ignored them. As if a button got switched, his mind got flooded with images of you. Your smile infected every brain-cell in his mind, his body missed you, his heart wouldn’t let go of you. His mind started to play with him, his system went crazy. His blood boiled, he was lost and had no way to escape until Minhyuk brought him back to reality.

“Jooheon!”

“What?” immediately snapped the said man his head towards the calling voice.

“You alright?”

“You drifted off to dreamland a moment ago.” Changkyun and Kihyun finished each others sentences. 

“I’m alright! I just need to drink some water.” Jooheon stood up and went straight to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and returned to the others.

“Should we really ask her? She might be tired from work” Kihyun debated with the others and seemed to be the only one against your visit. He wanted to avoid any uncomfortable situation, since Jooheon would be around you.

“Come on Hyung! She could relax with us, I bet today was as exhausting for her like it was for us.” Changkyun really liked the idea to have you around. He thought you were ready to meet Jooheon after that long time and maybe you both would be able to talk some things out and get rid of some misunderstandings.

“Text her!” the Maknae demanded his older friend to text you as fast as he could.

“I’ll just ask her if she would like to come or not. Don’t be too upset if she declines” Minhyuk typed again and waited for an answer from you. This time you took a bit longer to respond and left the message on read first. Minhyuk could almost hear you debating with yourself whether you should come or not. He eventually laid his phone back down and took a sip of Jooheons water.

Jooheon grew nervous and inpatient. His body didn’t reacted the way he wanted and it pissed him off.

The sound of Minhyuks phone catched the attention of all men.

“She’s coming” stated Minhyuk, happy about the positive respond. Jooheon got more frustrated with himself as excitement filled his whole body and his heart started to beat faster for the second time that evening. He felt like a little child waiting impatiently for his present on Christmas.

Kihyun grew worried of both of you, he prayed to God that there will be no conflict between the two of you. If it would happen, he would give the whole fault to the other members and would make sure they won’t see you ever again.

“How long will she take?” asked Changykun.

“Don’t know, maybe 20 minutes?” Minhyuk laid his phone back down and waited for your arrival.

A few moments past and Jooheons heart didn’t stop for a moment. As if he was sitting on hot stones, his body wouldn’t stay still. Every position he took was too uncomfortable for him. The members noticed his nervous state.

“You alright?” Hyungwon grew annoyed at the younger ones constant moving. Jooheon snapped his eyes across the table, meeting the mans eyes.

“Yeah, why?” a frown building itself up.

“You are wiggling none stop, like an excited puppy.”

“I’m not excited! It’s just uncomfortable to sit on the floor. -” The doorbell interrupted the small conversation, announcing you arrival.

“I’ll go” Kihyun jumped up from his spot to invite you in.

Adrenalin shot up through Jooheons body. His mind flooded with various questions. Will you talk to him? Will you ignore him? Will you act like nothing happened? Are you alright? Have you eaten well? How do you look like? Did you change your hair? Your style?  
He wanted to see you again, so dearly. Anger and hatred left his body, he missed you and he’ll not question it anymore. In this moment, he wanted to laugh with you, talk with you and be there for you. Taking back the role as your best friend. Jooheon forgot about his girlfriend completely, like she doesn’t even exist. He wanted you at this moment and he won’t ruin it.

Jooheon turned towards the entrance of the living room. Kihyun was the first to enter and was followed by you. Your smile got bigger as you saw all the rest and waved your hand towards them. As your eyes landed on Jooheon, your smile became smaller and uneasy. His heart didn’t took it great, it hurt. But that wasn’t the only thing that brought pain to the middle of his chest. He noticed how thin you became, how exhausted you face looked. The bags under your eyes became a dominate feature on your small face.

Jooheon waved back at you, nervous. You made your way towards the group, the only big space left was between Jooheon and Hoseok. Both men made some space for you, the rappers gaze followed your movements as you sat down.

Your scent filled his nose, it has been too long since your bodies were that close. Your shoulder brushed Jooheons, his skin tingled, wishing for more contact. His eyes wouldn’t leave you, he was lost. The surroundings becoming blurry, the sounds becoming muffled. You turned around, meeting his eyes. His heart stopped for a moment, his chest became tight. No air could enter or escape.

“Hi” that simple word snapped him back to reality, your plump lips formed a thin line. Your nervousness was visible and made Jooheon sad, he never wished to make you uncomfortable around him. He felt guilty, he ruined your friendship the most and he wanted to make it up to you.

“Hi, how have you been?” he asked carefully, he talked with as if you were made of thin glass.

“Great. And you? How’s your girlfriend?”

Right his girlfriend, he forgot about her.

“I’m great. I heard you passed that big exam? I know I’m pretty late but congratulation” he smiled, ignoring the question about his girlfriend.

Your smile came back followed by a nod.

“Here Y/N a glass.” Hoseok handed you his glass. You faced the man curious.

“Why are you giving me yours?”

“I don’t drink, one shot is enough.” He smiled at her, her smile becoming brighter and thanking him. Jooheons heart cried.

“Let’s have fun!” Minhyuk got excited and filled all glasses with alcohol. Everyone cheered and Jooheon still couldn’t leave his eyes from you.


	5. Final decision

“Oppa~ What do you think of this dress?” Kihyun lifted his head after you called out to him. You stepped out of the changing space and revealed one of many outfits you collected together in the store. Kihyuns eyes widened at your sight, his face became hot, his mouth became dry.

“You look gorgeous Y/N-ssi!” he gave you his most beautiful smile. Your smile mirrored the one from the person in front of you. Kihyuns eyes scanned your attire as you spinned around to show off your body. The dress hugged your curves perfectly, the fabric kissed your skin, the neckline rounded your chest into a beautiful heart. The vibrant red enhanced your beauty. 

“Do you think it’s good enough for the event?” Your eyes searched for Kihyuns answer. The male was invaded by you, he didn’t even realized how you flicked your fingers in front of his face to catch his attention.

“Earth to Yoo Kihyun!” a small chuckle escaped your chest and Kihyun came back from his dreamworld.

“Oh Sorry, I got carried away. I didn’t knew that the workout with Hoseok-hyung and Changkyun would improve your body that much.” He was clearly surprised his expression showed no lie. You couldn’t hold back your laugh and took his statement as a compliment.

“Thanks Kihyun. I’ll take that as a compliment. So back to my original question: Do you think I could wear that to the wedding?” 

“Even though you look good in it! It is kinda unfortunate, it’s too revealing and too sexy to be worn at a wedding.” Kihyun was honest, he loved the dress on you, but he knew it was too inappropriate for such event. Your lips formed a small poud, giving in to Kiyhuns words. You loved the dress but it is really too much.

“I wish I could buy it, but I can afford only one dress.”

Kihyun noticed the sad tone in your voice and tried to cheer you up.

“Come on Y/N~ We’ll find another dress. This dress can wait, you can buy it later. But now you need a dress where you don’t look like the hottest woman in the world. Who tries to steal the groom and his men of honors!” 

Those words made you giggle and comfortable again. The past months were too frustrating, you had to deal with so much hate towards yourself. It was exhausting and sad.  
You were happy that Kihyun suggested to go shopping with you. Because of him you were able to love yourself again and boost your self esteem. His words made your body hot, your chest was vibrating. No coldness in your body was left behind, he melted it away.

At this point you must’ve fallen for him, but that wasn’t the case. Your heart belonged to someone else and it wouldn’t let him go so easily.

“Go try my dress on!” Kihyun pushed you into the changing room. He don’t wanted you to see what kind of effect you had on him. He’s a man, a man with needs and you were not helping him. Kihyun would never lay a finger on you, he knew how much your heart was crying for his friend and those thought kept him away from falling into your spell. He wished for your happiness and the greatest things in life. He wanted to support you in any way he could.

You walked out of the changing room again, a dark blue gown falling down from your hips. Another beautiful fitting dress, a dress so elegant and perfectly made for you and only. 

“Well that looks like a dress for a wedding. Now turn around a little.” Kihyun was satisfied, especially since he chose the dress. He approached you and reached his hands to your shoulders, signaling you to turn around. He took a closer look, he knew it was perfect, he choose it by the way.

Kihyun was right, it was the perfect dress. You smiled at your own reflection, the male stood behind you sharing this moment with you. You liked it, but the other dress wouldn’t leave your mind. Your friend noticed your gaze towards the other gown, his heart clenched. Love towards the dress was visible. But you decided against it, you needed to look presentable on this event and the other dress wasn’t helping. 

You both finished and decided for the last dress, paid it and exit the store.

“What time is it?” Kihyun looked at his watch.

“We should head to the cafe, the others might be there now”

“Ok” you both walked your way towards the cafe, it wasn’t really far away and you reached it within 20 minutes.

As you entered through the two giant glass doors, your eyes wandered through the new place. It was a pretty minimalistc cafe.  
Your eyes landed onto a strong back of a man, those shoulders were too familiar, Kihyun noticed him too and both of you made their way towards the said man.

“Hey!” You greeted and sat down the opposite of Hoseok, while Kihyun sat down next to him.

“Where’s the Maknae?” asked Kihyun.

“He’s at the restroom and will come back soon. We haven’t ordered yet, since we arrived not long ago.” Hoseok looked through the menu and laid it down after he finished his sentence.

His met eyes yours, a smile appeared on his face.

“You look so happy! Found something?” Hoseok was curious about your bright face.

“I found two really nice dresses and bought one for the wedding! I’m so excited to wear it! But I could only afford one.” sadness overtook you as you remembered the red dress and pouted playfully towards the man. A low chuckle escaped his chest and his smile grew.

“Oh, don’t worry maybe later!” his smile washed away the sad emotion.

“Hi there! -” Changkyun came back from his visit to the restroom, greeted you with a smirk and sat down next to you.

“So how was your little shopping trip with Kihyun?”

“It was really good and we found a dress! Wanna see? Kihyun actually found it first.” You took the bag onto your lap, revealing the top of the dress.

“That looks really good, I bet you look really good in it. I can’t imagine, Kihyun having some sense of style!” The Maknae teased his older friend.

“Yah, be careful with your words!” Kihyun got a bit mad at the spoken words from the younger one, but they didn’t stayed for long. They vanished after he heard your small giggle. He couldn’t help himself and chuckle at your reaction, you were trying hard not to laugh and failed after both of you met each others eyes.

The four of you erupted in laughter, amused by that small awkward interaction. Until you ordered and tried many tasteful things on the menu, the time went fast and you didn’t realized that you’ve been sitting for 4 hours at the same spot. Realization hit Hoseok after receiving a message from their Leader, asking where they are.

“Hyunwoo-hyung texted me, asking where we are.”

“What time is it actually?” Kihyun suddenly seemed to be in a rush, fiddling with his phone to check up the time.

“Let me get something real quick. I forgot to pick something up. Give me a few minutes ok?”

“We can go together and than head straight to the dorm.” Hoseok suggested to join the younger one.

“No! I’ll be fast, don’t worry. Take your time and finish the meal, we can meet up at the car.” Kihyun declined Hoseoks offer and walked straight out of the cafe and ran off as he slipped through the doors.

“Strange, he never mentioned to pick something up.” you were confused and wiped off the thought. Sipping on your drink, you noticed how the Maknae was staring intensely on his phone screen. Changkyun noticed your lingering gaze and turned his head to you.

“Is something? Did something happen? You were so quite today. Is something bothering you?” the words slipped through your lips as the feeling of concern washed over your shoulders.

“I’m fine, it’s just -” Changkyun hesitated to answer your questions, but as he saw the worry in your eyes, he gave in. Something has been bothering him for a while now and he couldn’t talk about it, with no one. It slowly started to frustrate him and he knew he had to talk about it.

“I don’t know how to say it or which words to use correctly. I’m just really worried.”

“Changkyun, what’s wrong? You can talk to us about it.” now your worries started to increase and curiosity flashed in your mind. _  
_

_What is bothering him?_

“You’ve been on my mind a lot lately. And-” He started and your thoughts were going wild, your eyes went wide, Hoseok was like a reflection in a mirror of you.

_Is he trying to confess?_

You and Hoseok shared the same thought, your heart started to race and you became nervous, scared of the outcome. You don’t want to hurt his feelings, but you couldn’t return them.

“Please don’t take it the wrong way, but this whole situation is so messed up! Between you and Jooheon. I mean he’s hurting you and not like a small pinch on your arm kind of pain, but I mean emotional pain. Pain that brought you into depression, pain that drove you so crazy, that you couldn’t even work for weeks. I can’t imagine how much it must’ve hurt to be next to him, yesterday. I feel so sorry, I insisted that Minhyuk should invite you over. I thought you could heal a little and be normal again with Jooheon, especially since his girlfriend wasn’t around.”

You were shocked at Changkyuns confession, he wouldn’t normally talk about his feelings, especially not that open. You also couldn’t understand why he was sorry. The evening went great, you had a lot of fun. Especially with Jooheon, there was no tension at the end. It was as if you went back in time, the time before the relationship with his girlfriend started. Jooheon was you best friend that night, he was back. No mood swings, no jealousy only his cheery and happy self that you fell in love with in the first place. Guilt built up in your guts as you saw Changkyuns sad expression, your arm framed the man automatically.

“Oh Changkyun, don’t be sorry. Last night went great don’t you think? We all had so much fun together.”

“But Y/N, you were so heartbroken, I felt like I was forcing you to hang out with him and I feel so damn guilty. “ he continued.

“First - It was a really amazing night and I had a lot of fun! Second: It was my decision to come over! Minhyuk texted me that I don’t have to come if I’m still to uncomfortable. But I went anyway, cuz I knew there will be people who love me and take good care of me. So please don’t be sorry, all you wanted was the best for me.” you tried your best to push away the guilty feeling within the Maknae and cheer him up with your words. He formed a small smile, staring down onto the table.

“Now, tell me why you’ve been sticking with your phone the whole time.”

“You really started to hate phones don’t you?” Hoseok was amused by your dislike towards phones.

“I don’t hate them, I just don’t like it when I’m in a conversation with someone and we get interrupted by that damn thing.” you reasoned yourself, your dislike towards the device started after Jooheon started to date, what a coincidence, right?

“Jooheon texted me.” Changkyun sighed, should he tell you about Jooheons recent struggles? Changkyun knew both sides, not only about your emotional state, but also the one of his best friend and co rapper. He knew Jooheon has been struggling with his own emotions, they were everywhere. Changkyun knew about his undying love for you and was even more frustrated with the whole situation. The Maknae wanted to scream at both of you, for being too stupid to see through this stupid one sided see-through mirror wall between you. You loved Jooheon and Jooheon loved you. All you both saw were illusions of one another. Too scared to break the surface and to reach out.

Nervousness overtook your system, did something happen? Worry was visible on your face. Changkyun debated with himself, whether to tell you about his friends emotions and concerns or to lie to you. You seemed heald, but he knew you were far away from that state.

“Jooheon asked me if I could help him with his new song, he’s been struggling with it a lot lately.” He choose to lie, Jooheon had to confess to you himself and not through him. Hoseok catched the Maknae lying and he let him, he knew you might get hurt, so he just played along. A small signal from Hoseoks phone broke the conversation, he received a text from Kihyun.

“Let’s head out, Kihyun is waiting for us at the car.”

The three of you stood up and left the place, as you arrived, you spotted Kihyun within the car, sitting in the backseat.

“Why in the back? You had the perfect opportunity to sit in the passenger seat.” Hoseok made fun of the man.

“I wanted to sit in the back, is that bad?”

“Guys let’s hop into the car, or else someone will notice you!” Their Manager made himself visible as Hoseok opened the car door. Your way back to the dorm was fast, you joined the three men, Hoseok suggested a movie night. As you entered the dorm, you noticed two more figures in the living room. Shownu and Hyungwon sat on the couch, watching a show on the TV. They clearly waited for the four of you. Hyungwon noticed your figure and greeted you, Shownu followed his gesture.

“Come here Y/N sit down next to me.” Hyungwon patted the spot next to him signaling you to fill up the space between him and Shownu. Without hesitation, your legs moved towards the couch and sat down, placing a pillow onto your lap and hugging it. In the corner of your eye, you noticed how Kihyun went cautious into one of the rooms, with a questioning bag in his hand. You didn’t paid more attention to it and enjoyed your rest on the couch. You were walking the whole day and now happy to be able to relax your legs.

By the time, the other members arrived to the dorm and planned on joining you to round this resting day, prepared for the upcoming hard schedule, they have to face in a few hours. Jooheon joined the group gathering, after his isolation in the bedroom.

You noticed how Jooheon was relaxed but also tensed. As if he was able to release himself from something, but was scared of what would come next. He was more open around you, like nothing happened the past months. You thought it was odd, but didn’t mind it at all. The first 15 minutes, his phone would non stop ring, message after message. We all grew annoyed by his phone, until he turned it off himself. He seemed pissed off at the constant spamming.

Kihyun sat next to you, you both were cuddled up in a blanket. You both interacted a lot, giggling, smiling and discussing certain things that happened in the movie. Jooheon noticed the intimacy between you two. His insides started to boil slowly.

The second movie ended and all eight of you decided to take a small break and grab some snacks and drinks.

“Y/N-ssi! I got something for you. Wait here ok?” Kihyun stood up, your source for warmth, now gone. Impatiently waiting, you leaned your head towards the direction he was leaving. He returned, the bag you saw earlier, in his hands.

“Here. I couldn’t help it, but you were so sad about it. I decided to just buy it.”

“No you didn’t -” You were shocked, you’d never expected something like this to happen. The attention went straight to the both of you.

“Is it what I think it is?”

“Open up and you’ll see” Your excitement made Kihyun smile. You took the red gown out of the bag, revealing it to the others.

“Wow Y/N-ssi! Is that the dress you’ve been talking about? I didn’t knew that the dress would be that good!” Changkyun was amazed at the gown and went straight to you, touching the fabric, Minhyuk followed him and did the same.

“Go try it on! I wanna see it on you!” Hoseok was as excited as a small child, eager to see you in the gown.

“Thank you Kihyun!” You stood up immediately, gave Kihyun a big tight hug and rushed into Hoseoks room, since it was the closest. Jealousy took over Jooheons actions, he stood up with full force. The members gazes followed Jooheons figure, eyes wide open. Scared and shocked at the same time, they didn’t knew - follow and stop him or let his emotions be spilled in front of you that would lead to a confession.

Jooheon threw the door open, you got startled. You were about to strip out of the first item that has been on your body. The energy radiating from Jooheon was scaring you, he was extremely mad. He couldn’t hide his emotions anymore, he needed all his thoughts out or he’ll go mad crazy.

“Why?” his word were harsh and strong.

“Why what? Jooheon you’re scaring me!” he paid no attention to your last sentence, stepping closer to your now small figure.

“Why are you with him? I am your best friend! I am!” He hit his chest hard, emphasizing his words that are directed towards him.

“Jooheon! What are you talking about?” Now you fired back, not understanding this whole situation. The others were listening, the wall was too thin. They heard every word, but they didn’t interfere. They knew you both needed to be clear towards each other. You needed him and he needed you.

“What I’m talking about? Stop fucking around with Kihyun in front of my fucking eyes!” he got louder after every word, his voice becoming stronger.

“I’m not fucking around with Kihyun, what makes you think like that?” you were lost, everything seems like a sick joke to you, some kind of prank, that was clearly not funny.

“You are acting with him all lovey dovey! Flirting with him! Touching around! Smiling, laughing! And then tell me you don’t have a thing with him? Do you think I’m too stupid to see that?”

“Am I not allowed to be around others? He’s my friend just like you! I don’t prevent you from touching your stupid girlfriend! I don’t whine like a baby like you do. Do you know why? Because I have no damn business in your relationship and I respect everything! But you make my days even worse! Why can’t I be around people who care about me! Do I have to ask for permission to meet up with other who are not you?” Your fears were now replaced with anger, you wouldn’t hold back anymore, not caring about the outcome of this mess.

“I just want you to stop playing around with him! I repeat I am your best friend! No one should be as close to you as I do!”

“I am not your possession Jooheon! I’m my own person! I can decide for myself!”

“No you can’t!”

“Why not?”

“Because I am here to protect you!” You couldn’t believe your ears how Jooheon was able to become even louder as before. You tried to keep your voice steady, it’s too hard to reach his level.

“Where’s the need to protect me from Kihyun? He’s your Friend you know him for so many years. Don’t you trust your own brother?”

“I’m not protecting you from him. I’m protecting him from you!” Now you were confused. Why does Kihyun need to be protected from you. The frown got deeper as you got more lost in the circle of confusion.

“What are you talking about? Jooheon you are making no sense!”

“Stop acting like a brat! You know what what I’m talking about!”

Frustration mixed with confusion made your body hot, your limbs started to tremble a little. Your mind is flooded with so many questions, but you couldn’t phrase one. You avoided his gaze for a short time, to avoid his dark eyes and clean up your mind, just a little. Looking back at him, for the first time, you noticed how deep his eyes became. You saw how many words, they wanted to say, but couldn’t. Locked away behind a window. But reading his true emotions was too difficult.

“Jooheon I don’t know what you’re talking about, seriously! -” you tried to calm him down, as you lowered your voice. “Explain it to me, please!”

A frustrated groan escaped out of the male, turning around and returning back in front of you. You both were frustrated and Jooheon wouldn’t calm down.

“How do you not know? You are playing with everyones feelings, because of you everyone gets hurt! And you always play innocent!” He pointed his index finger towards your face, coming extremly close. The tears in your eyes screamed for release. Your sight became blurry, your lips trembled.

“Why are you saying those things? I’m playing with no ones feelings! The only person who’s playing with feelings is you! You Jooheon! You’ve been playing with everyones feelings and not me! -” The tears were free, there was no reason to hold them back anymore.

His eyes became more fierce and dark, not believing your words. He chuckled at your remark and took a step back.

“You are the reason everyone is extremely tensed up. No one knows how to approach you. Especially since you’ve been dating your stupid girlfriend that no one can stand! Everyone is worried about you, your mood swings make us go crazy. They make me go crazy!” you tried to catch your breath as the sobbing became stronger. You felt so much smaller. At this point you couldn’t hold back anymore, you wanted to spill everything out of you, out of every cell in your body. You were broken, it hurt, you wanted to leave but couldn’t. It was now or never.

“Y/N-”

“You have no idea how much you effect the people around you!” You interrupted him, you wanted him to know everything and he’ll not stop you.

“Since the day you introduced this woman to us, you’ve been so mean to me. Scolding me non-stop for no reason. For things you normally would never get mad at. You weren’t talking to me for a while until yesterday, when we all gathered together. Do you know how much it hurt, when you ignored me? The worst thing about it was, that I didn’t even knew what I did wrong! Changkyun and Hoseok had to calm me down, they were there to comfort me. You were supposed to be there for me and catch my tears. You were supposed to be my best friend. And all you did was turn your back on me.” You took a small break, catching your breath. Jooheon kept silent, still looking straight at your figure and waited until you continued.

“I needed you, especially after your girlfriend came to the cafe and spilled her whole coffee onto me! She insulted me and your members, laughing into my face, calling me stupid. Telling me I wasn‘t worth it to be called your friend!” those words hit him, his heart shredded, his eyes widened.

“What?” this small question was the only thing that left his lips.

“It hurt Jooheon, I felt so worthless. I thought there was no point in living. But you know what brought back my living force? You! -” You let your last words settle into his mind and continued. “I couldn’t let go of our friendship, because of some woman who doesn’t even love you! I saw her real face, we all knew her real face many times. She was playing with you, she used you so she could become famous and then ditch you! I tried to talk to you about it, but you brushed me off, like some kind of dirt. I should’ve left your side, but I stayed and endured the pain - seeing her playing with you! Playing with your feelings! I endured the pain seeing you happy with her. I endured every f*cking second seeing you giving her loving eyes. I endured every time you gave her your love and her throwing it into trash.” more tears escaped your eyes, not stopping soon. Jooheon now looked at the floor, not lifting his eyes.

“Jooheon.-” said man lifted his eyes, looking at your fragile body. Even if your sight was blurry, you noticed how glassy his eyes have become. “You can be with anyone, but **not her!** I’ll endure the pain. Because I love you. You derserve so much better and I want you to be happy.“ a heavy silence filled the room. The air became thick, to hard to breath. Tears ran down his cheeks, a small sob escaped his lips together with these words, you never imagined to hear.

“And what if I wanna be with you?”


	6. Find me

“What?” You thought your ears would play a sick prank on you. But that wasn’t the case. His words repeated in your mind, trying to figure out if these words had any truth in them.

“I-”

“Stop! Don’t repeat yourself. I don’t wanna hear that!” you interrupted him as the weight of his question pulled onto your heart-strings. A new kind of pain evolved within your chest, making it hard to breathe.

“But Y/N-” he took a step forward, opening his arms, trying to reach out to you.

“Stop! Jooheon I told you to stop. I don’t wanna hear more from you, don’t you understand?” your body reacted automatically with your words and took a step back, further away from him. You felt uneasy, you couldn’t understand your own actions, emotions or thoughts. Everything was so confusing.

“But Y/N I do wanna be with you! I’m not lying to you! I’m fucking serious” his words got heavier in your chest. You couldn’t face him anymore, you closed your eyes avoiding the man in front of you. Your sobs made your body tremble, your limbs became cold. The whole warmth in your body was gone.

“Please don’t do that to me Y/N.” Jooheons heart was in extreme pain. Your fragile figure, your tears. The pain in your body was visible and he hated that sight. His vision was blurry, tears stained his cheeks. He never wished to bring you to this state, he wanted you to be happy but not in pain. He knew he was selfish the whole time, neglecting his feelings and you. He wanted to erase those emotions and failed and this was his punishement.

Once again, Jooheon tried to come closer to you, to embrace you in his arms and yet again, your body reacted on it’s own. Your arms wrapped around your waist, hugging your trembling body, trying to give yourself some warmth. Your feet took you another step back, away from Jooheon, searching for a safe spot in the room.

“I’m pleading you Y/N. Please let me explain everything.” Jooheon couldn’t hold back his emotions, he needed to release them or else he would go insane. He wanted you to know everything, hoping it would ease the pain in you.

Your legs became weak, you searched for a place to rest your feet. Your body sat down onto the soft matress of Hoseoks bed, your upper body leaned forward, your elbows rested on your knees and your hands supported your head. You kept your eyes away from Jooheon, too scared to see his broken state. His voice was enough for you, it broke your heart to hear the sadness in it. Your mind was empty and dark, tears kept flowing down your now red cheeks.

Jooheon took your silence as a sign for him to continue. His gaze wouldn’t leave you for a second, he wanted to catch every reaction of your body, for him to move on. He hesitated, finding the right words to start. He saw how vulnerable you were and he wanted to be more cautious and careful with them. Too scared to hurt you even more. He took a deep breath, finishing it with a shaken sigh.

“I’m so sorry Y/N.” His lower lip started to tremble more, trying to hold back a sob and tears started to reapear, taking over his vision. His head turned away from you for a short time to return with shut closed eyes, trying to stop the drops from falling. As he opened them, they catched your small figure and let the tears free. Jooheon took another much smaller bit of air, his teeth hold onto his trembling lip, trying to stop it. He himself was drained, all energy left his limbs. Anger was no where to be found, all he wanted was to lock you in his arms and never let go. His desire to keep you safe and warm became stronger, his first priority became you. His own heart gave him a hard time through this situation.  
He wanted you back, but he needed to earn that reward. “I never meant to hurt you. I was just too stupid and selfish to notice how much I actually hurt you with my actions. All I wanted was to get rid of these emotions for you. I wanted to get rid of this everlasting pain, I have when I don’t have you beside me. When you smile and I’m not the main reason for it.” His own sobs interrupted him, he took this opportunity to calm down a little and to wait for some reaction coming from you. Your body was still, listening to all his words. Words full of pain, sadness and love. Honesty weighted those words, you couldn’t argue with that.

“Y/N I love you since the day we first met. It felt like love at first sight, your smile brought warmth to my heart. Your hugs brought me strength through my busy schedule days. Your voice brought me the sweetest dreams at night, even if they were short, I knew I could lean on you. I wanted to ask you out back then, but I don’t wanted to pressure you on being my girlfriend, especially since I’m a member of Monsta X. But I don’t wanted to loose you, I wanted you beside me. That’s why I kept you as my best friend.” The words became heavier and the knot in Jooheons throat tighter. His mouth became dry, swallowing his own saliva became a struggle. “The more time I spent with you the more I fell for you and became more scared to confess my feelings. I was too afraid to scare you away. I don’t wanted to ruin our friendship and throw our memories to waste. You mean so much to me I can’t loose you.” He took another breath to put more words together.

“When I introduced you to the other members, I was so happy that you got along so well. That the members love you almost as much as I do. But as you started to get closer to Kihyun, that even rumors started to circulate, that you two were dating. My mind went crazy, I was so jealous, I couldn’t think straight. I was so close to punch my brother and loose my chance to you. I couldn’t let this happen. That’s why I acted like I was fine with this whole situation. I came to the conclusion to get rid of my feelings for you.” As memories started to flood his mind, tears of pain and betrail started to fall free from his glassy eyes.

“I went to my studio to get drunk or wasted and ended up in clubs, hooking up with some random chicks. Only to erase you from my mind. I searched you in every woman I was with, but no one was as perfect as you, only worse.” Jooheon stopped himself, to wait for a response from you. But your body stayed still this whole time. Jooheon grew confident and walked towards your figure. He kneeled down in front of you, reaching your eye-level. He lifted his hands to reach for yours. He took them away from your tears-stained face and held them tight in your lap. Squezzing them a little, to comfort you. His thumb circled your palm, warming up the little spot. His hands radiated warmth and your shoulders began to relax. Jooheons eyes laid on your hands, they fitted perfectly in his palms.

“I thought, my only option was to get a girlfriend. I hoped it would actually help and I was wrong. It only got worse. Especially after Kihyun cleared up the situation, that you two aren’t dating and that you both were not really interested in doing so. That’s also when Hyejins real face was revealed to me. I know, you tried to convince me first and I didn’t believed you. Only when Changkyun told me about everything that happened. The things she did to Hoseok-hyung, to Hyunwoo-hyung and to you. But If I’d knew about the coffee incident earlier, I would have done something about it.” Jooheon lifted his eyes, searching for yours. They hid behind your messy bangs, Jooheons hand automatically took action and lifted itself, to brush some strands behind your ear. Revealing your now puffy eyes. His hand rested on your cheek, cupping it. Tears welled up in your eyes, waiting for release. You couldn’t hold them back and let them free, yet again. Jooheon catched those tears with his thumb, before they could reach the soft cushion of your swollen lips. His thumb rubbed lightly on your cheek, another comforting gesture. You leaned into the warmth of his palm, your eyes shutting close. Enjoying that small moment.

“Y/N. I don’t know why I was so careless and so stubborn. As I saw you and Kihyun today, so close. I couldn’t hold it anymore, it made me so mad. I never meant to scare you like that. I don’t know myself anymore. Please forgive me for being me, for being too stupid to not see what’s best for me and for letting go of you.” Jooheons hands started to tremble, as new words flooded his mind. Words he wanted to let free.

“Please look at me Y/N” You raised your head, meeting Jooheons glassy eyes, tears asking for release. You could see all kinds of emotions in those lost, dark orbs. Pain, sadness, anger and love. Your reflection, visible in them like a mirror. His gaze was strong, but didn’t afraid you. The opposite, you wanted to fall in them deep as deep as you could. Like falling into the galaxy, you desired the feeling of no gravity and the stars becoming your home.

“I love you.”

Your eyes widened at his confession, the three words repeated themselves in your head. A force within him took over his body as Jooheon reached forward, the desire to feel your lips on his became so strong. There was no stopping in his movement until he met the softness of your plump lips. You were taken a back at the sudden contact but gave in. Your lips worked in sync, your brain felt dizzy, your surroundings became blurry. More tears left your closed eyes, Jooheons tears got mixed with yours. The kiss was soft, passionate and full of pain.

A sudden strange feeling of pain, different and stronger than before, filled your body. You pulled back from the kiss. Your sobs became stronger, your body started to tremple again and more thicker tears started to fall. Your head fell onto Jooheons chest, hiding in his presence. Jooheon immediately sat beside you and wrapped his arms around you nd pulled your legs over his lap. One hand caressing your back, the other holding your head in place. His arms were strong around you, not letting you go. His own emotions started a battle with him, but he needed to be strong for you. He never saw you in this kind of state. Sudden guilt builded up within himself.

An internal battle started within you, a battle between your heart and your mind. Your heart wanted to let go, to feel the love he was giving you. The long deserved warmth from the man you love so dearly. Your mind was screaming to let go, it was too soon to give in. It warned you from further harm, you weren’t ready to receive and live with that love. You had to leave now or it’ll be too late, but your heart wanted you to stay a little longer. You needed to heal and it knew you could do it with him.

Jooheon waited for you to calm down, but wouldn’t let go of you. He would never forgive himself if he’d let you slip away from his fingertips. He needed you and you needed him, he wanted to be there for you. His grip got stronger as his thoughts went further. He felt in peace as your cry decreased and you stopped fully.

His warm chest, transfered warmth to your cold body. But the battle within you increased, making it uneasy to stay in his arms. But your body lost almost all energy that was left. The weaker you got, the stronger the force to leave became stronger. You couldn’t handle it anymore, you used your last bit of strengh and escaped out of Jooheons grip.

“I’m sorry but I can’t” You rushed out of the bedroom, leaving a shocked Jooheon behind. As he lost sight of you, his body reacted immediately and run after you as fast as he could. Begging you not to leave him.

“Y/N! You can’t leave like that. Y/N wait!” you slammed the front door, right infront of Jooheons face. His hand reached the doorhandle, trying to open it. But another hand stopped his motion and shutted the door, when Jooheon managed to open it a little.

“Jooheon!” Jooheons head snapped towards the calling voice. “Leave her alone.” Hoseok was concerned about you and Jooheons well being. But he couldn’t let Jooheon leave in the state he currently was.

“But Hyung…” Jooheon collapsed into his members firm chest, letting his emotions take over. His sobs were strong, his tears thick. Hoseok wrapped his arms around the younger one. His cries were loud enough so the others could hear the pain, their rapper was suffering.

They listened to the whole situation that happened behind those thin walls. They felt sorry for both of you. But no one blamed you for running away, you had a really hard time and Jooheon just came over and put more confusion into your emotional hurricane.

“Why did she left? All I wanted was to give her my love” Hoseok tried his best calming down the broken-hearted man. Jooheons sobs became louder as he continued. “Why do I deserve all that? She took my heart, left and threw it away.”

“Y/N needs time, you overwhelmed her with your confession. She needs time, let her breath a little. She loves you. She’ll come back. I know that and you know that too, you know her better than we do.” Hoseok held him tight, picking the right words to comfort him more.

“But why does it hurt so much?“

“Don’t worry, everything will be fine. I promise.”

Your feet took you as fast as you could, the pain coming from your soles got ignored. Your breathing was heavy and painful, your throat was dry, unbearable. Your speed slowed down as exhaustion made itself present and your familiar bus-station became visible. You made sure, that Jooheon nor a member was following you, before you halted completely. You searched for your purse, to take the next bus back to your place. Your search was unsuccessful, you forgot your purse at the dorm and running back was definitely no option for you.

You decided to walk on your own. Your pace was slow, exhaustion took over your body, just like the wish for your place called home. Your arms hugged your own body, giving yourself the much desired warmth, you needed. Your mind was lost, the unfamiliar pain now gone, your heart crying. You couldn’t understand why, no happiness fueled your body. The man that you love so dearly confessed his feelings to you and repeatedly stated to be with you. But why couldn’t you find the hapiness in that moment. Why did that voice warn you? Was it really too soon to give in and fall? Was there more to come?

The apartment complex became visible as you slowly reached your destination. You made your way towards the elevator, picking the right floor. As the doors opened, the sight of the heavy door became visible. You expected a warm feeling building up in your chest, whenever you saw this door. But now it seemed so foreign. Your fingers moved and punched the code to your place into the touchpad. The doors automatically opened, giving you space to enter.  
The apartement was dark and cold. A feeling you’ve never been greeted by. As the doors closed, your body slammed against the wood and slid down onto the floor.

No tears left your eyes, no pain left in your chest, your mind dark. But a small sad smile decorated your lips. Your teeth finding the soft pad of your lips, holding back the new tears as realization hit you.

_Please, Find me_


	7. I can't

You woke up with the biggest headache you ever had. The pain invaded your whole mind, your braincells were screaming for healing. Your throat dry and tongue sticking onto the top of your mouth. The sun came through the curtains, that covered the outside world. Your body was heavy, your arms numb, sleep was torture. You stayed awake for most of the night, your thoughts travelling back to the past events.

His words repeated themselves in your mind, analyzing every single letter, every change in his voice. A vivid vision whenever you closed your eyes shut, his glassy dark orbs, devouring you. His tears drowning you in guilt, sucking all air out of your lungs, leaving them dry. His pain, piled up stones on your heart and strings pulled it down to hell, turning it to ashes. His warmth still lingered on your skin, his strong embrace was still on you. He’s far, but you’re still there. Mere centimeters, a small movement and you’re drawn back to him. 

You laid in bed, your sheets replaced the warmth you needed, but the familiarity to him was too strong. You wanted to get rid of this feeling, but your body was too exhausted to move. Frustration brought tears to your eyes, your vision became blurry and a small sob escaped your trembling lips.  
The sound of your soft sobs filled the room, hidden from the world outside.

A sound, coming from your bedside table, interrupted your breakdown. Your head automatically turned towards the attention seeking device. Ignoring it, you took the opportunity to stand up and make your way to the bathroom. Looking into the mirror, hate started to build up. You hated that reflection of yours, a person you wished never to be, a person so weak, so stupid and too easy to manipulate.

You wanted happiness, it was so close, all you had to do was to grab it and hold onto it as strong as you could. No one stood in your way, beside yourself. Your appearance was far from healthy. Your hands reached down to turn the water on, your face needed refreshment. Cold water touched your heated cheeks, cooling down the burning sensation. You faced the pearl white sink, drops of water falling from the tip of your nose. Your eyes watched every drop, gaze strong and focused, your mind counted every second until another drop met the surface.

Strands of hair fell loose, covering your face. A small amount attached themselves onto your face. Lifting your gaze, you met your reflection. Yet again, hatred and sadness filled your mind.

“Why are you like that?” those words echoed through the bathroom.

You didn’t bother to brush your teeth, you took a towel and patted your face dry. Making your way back to the living room, your body met the couch. Arms and feet heavy like weights. The TV facing you, the dark screen never seemed more entertaining than anything.

“What is wrong with me? Why am I like this?” tears welled up, in the corner of your eyes. Your eyes were shaking, searching for something in the room until your head became heavier and fell into your hands. Quite tears fell onto your palm.

The sudden sound of your doorbell brought you back to reality. Your body moved on it’s own, making your way to the door, wiping off evidence from your crying mess. You threw the door open, revealing your neighbor with a box in hand and a big smile.

“Hello Ms Y/L/N! Here’s a package for you, it came yesterday! Omo! Did something happen? You don’t look good. Do you feel unwell? Do you need anything?” her smile disappeared as she studied your state and concern was visible over her features.

“Oh no Mrs Kim, it’s no big deal, I’m alright. Might be some allergy. I’m fine and thank you for bringing the package over, I almost forgot about it completely.” you send her your best reassuring smile you could give. Guilt filled your chest, you never wanted to concern her. She was the sweetest soul to ever exist and knowing, that she was concerned about you made you sick.

“Oh Y/N-shi ~ I know I’m not in my youngest state of my life and my sight might not be the best, but I do see it when someone’s feeling sad. Is it a man? Do I need to get my stick? I promise if he comes here, I’ll hit him! How can he hurt my poor and sweet little Y/N~” she reached her hand to your face, cupping your cheek with her palm and rubbing her thumb over the dried out tears. Her warmth brought a smile to your lips and filled your chest slowly.

“Mrs Kim, I’m really thankful, but no it is not about a man. I promise!”

“Nonsense! When I broke up with my husband for the first time, I looked exactly like you! But sweetie, don’t worry, men are all stupid! He’ll come back and if he’s coming back, I’ll have a talk with him!”

“Who do you need to talk with?” Mrs Kims husband came out and joined our small conversation. He made his way towards my door and stood next to his wife.

“The man who hurt our Y/N! Look at her, she looks broken and only because of men like you!” she playfully hit her husbands shoulder multiple times, earning a confused look from him. Mr Kim switched his gaze towards me and his wife, he looked shocked for a short time, but quickly came to realization after seeing my face for the fifth time.

“Ah! Ok I get it, stop hitting me. Aish! Y/N-shi-” your eyes met the older ones from Mr Kim, his gaze softened and spoke out so much comfort without saying a word. “Men are selfish-”

“Exactly!” Mrs Kim exclaimed, earning a side glare from the man beside her. She laughed a little and Mr Kim continued.

“Men are selfish and stupid, if they love and cherish a person, they would do anything for them. Even if they have to rip out their heart and hurt them. If they love something so dearly, there’s nothing stopping them to pursue what they want. I bet they never meant to harm you, they just did the wrong approach. That’s it. If he stands in front of your door, asking for forgiveness, don’t shut the door. Let him in, let him explain himself, he has reasons and you may understand them. You’ll come to a conclusion together. That’s how I got my beautiful but annoying wife back and now we are happily married. Y/N-shi, you’ll find happiness, it may be a long journey, but you’ll find it. Everyone deserves to find happiness, even the bad.”

Mr Kims words sunk in deeper into your brain, his words were right. You needed to talk to him, you had to let your feelings out. You wanted happiness and that’s your only option.

“Thank you Mr Kim. I guess I needed that.” for the first time, your smile felt warm and your hands felt warm again. Mr Kim saw your genuine smile and returned it. His smile showed no worries, he was positive everything will be fine, you’ll be fine and you’ll find your happiness.

It was weird but his words seemed to have too much truth. But you ignored that building knot in your stomach.

“Yeobo. Let’s go, you wanted to go shopping for groceries. Y/N-shi I wish you a good day and don’t get stressed too much!” Mr Kim made his way towards the elevator.

“Thank you Mr Kim!”

“Y/N-shi, do you need anything? We could bring you some groceries too.”

“Oh no thanks Mrs Kim, I still have some food left.”

“Ok, but would you like to come over for dinner? I’ll prepare something nice for you. You seem so slim, I bet you haven’t eaten anything good lately.”

“Thank you for your invitation Mrs Kim, I guess I’ll be coming over.”

“Good! I’ll see you then. Have a great day sweetie!” Mrs Kim turned her back to you and walked towards her waiting husband with a big smile on her face.

You closed your door slowly as you watched the couple happily entering the elevator. Your back met the door and your whole frame slid down the wood. Your knees touched your chest, the package thrown to the side. It seemed like your mind made some kind of peace, as Mr Kims words repeated themselves in your ears. The sadness washed away like cold dirt in the shower and the warmth left on your skin.

You needed to talk to him again, _but what would you say? Does he even want to talk to you? Is he mad? Is he hurt? Is he sad? Is he alright?  
_

As on cue _,_ a knock snapped you out of your thoughts. Another, more eager knock followed by many others echoed through the door.Your feet pushed your weight up, ready to open it. Your first thought was Mrs Kim who might forgot something, but as the door revealed the person on the other side, your eyes widened. Shock stiffened every muscle in your body, air stuck in your lungs, scared to let it all out and not being able to catch a new amount of it.  
Jooheons gaze was fixed on you, staring deep into your eyes. Hands behind his back, his posture was strong and steady. He seemed calm and focused.

“Hey Y/N. Can I come in? I’d like to talk to you. _-”_ his voice mirrored his posture _._ “This is for you. I know you don’t really like a bunch of flowers.” Jooheon took a small rose from behind his back, he took a small step into your doorway.

You made space for him to enter, signaling him to come in. As he made his way inside, you took the rose and looked into his eyes a final time, before he walked into your living room followed by you.

“Y/N-“ Jooheon turned to you _,_ his eyes slightly covered by his cap. “I know my visit is kinda surprising. It may sound selfish, but I needed to see you again.” _he waited for your reaction, but you continued to listen to him._ “I wanted to run after you yesterday, but Hoseok-hyung stopped me. He told me you needed time. I wanted to give you a little space and calm down myself. But as soon as i woke up today, I had the strong urge to see you.” Jooheon took off his cap, to have a better view of you. “I know you might be not rea-” _  
_

“I’m sorry“ His eyes widened in surprise as you interrupted him. Words he’s didn’t expected to hear. _  
_

“What did you just say?” his voice was soft and careful.

“I said I’m sorry Jooheon. I shouldn’t have run away.” tears started to fill your eyes. “I didn’t mean to do that. I just got scared for some reason, scared of myself.”

“Why would you be scared of yourself?” Jooheon walked towards you, reaching his hands to your arms, rubbing them up and down. “You know you could always talk to me. I know I was a complete asshole the last view months. But now I’m here. I’m here for you. Only you!“ His arms wrapped you in a tight hug, his heartbeat calmed your sobs, single tears left your eyes. “I love you Y/N.” He rocked his body side to side with yours. Letting a few minutes pass before he loosened his grip on you. You both broke the hug, looking each other in the eyes, studying each other. A smile broke on both of your faces, chuckling at this small interaction. _  
_“Now tell me, why would you be scared of yourself?” _  
_

A sigh escaped your lips as you broke the eye contact. “I don’t know, it’s just… when you kissed me and held me in your arms…. I wanted to stay and be with you but something in my mind told me to leave. I shouldn’t have been with you in that moment.” you took a seat on your couch, your elbows on your knees, facing the coffee table. _  
_

“Is it because of Hyejin?” you snapped your eyes towards the man as he made his way to sit next to you, he let out a sigh. “That night, I broke up with her.”

Your eyes widened at his confession. “Why?” Jooheon laughed a little at your reaction, finding it amusing.

“Because of you silly.” Jooheons hand reached towards a strand of your hair and tugged it behind your ear.

“Beacause of me?” disbelieved, you ignored his hand landing on your knee. Jooheon nodded and hummed as a response.

“I called her yesterday, as you prepared the snacks together with Kihyun.-” a heavy sigh escaped his chest, as the memories of the night before flooded his mind. “I told her, I wouldn’t like to continue this relationship. I don’t wanted to fake something on her and hurt her feelings in the end.”

“And what did she say?”

“She called me a son of a b*tch and hung up.” he chuckled as he remembered the phone call. “I didn’t mention you, don’t worry.” he saw the fear in your eyes and assured you, you’ll be fine. “I’m not here to talk about Hyejin, I’m here to talk about you, me and us. I want to assure that everything will be fine between us. As I mentioned last time, I don’t want to lose you. You mean everything to me.” Jooheon took your hands and rubbed his thumb over your palm. His eyes followed his movement, waiting for a responds from you. _  
_

“I love you Jooheon, I always did and will continue to do it. You mean to me so much I can’t describe it in words. As you confessed your feelings to me, I got so overwhelmed, I couldn’t believe my own ears. It didn’t seem like reality.” Jooheon lifted his gaze, looking into your eyes.

“Then I’ll prove you that this is reality.” he leaned closer, his lips ghosting over yours, his hot breath lingered over your skin. His nose brushed yours as he connected both of your lips. The softness and warmth of his lips massaged yours, your lips worked in a perfect rhythm. Jooheons tongue brushed over your lover lip, asking to enter. You gave permission and opened you lips slightly.  
Your hand laid flat on his chest as Jooheons hand reached for you cheek, cupping it.  
As air seemed to be missing in both of your lungs, both of you separated and looked into each others eyes. Yet again, you got lost in his dark orbs who held the galaxy within. The voice in your head gone, your heart screaming. All strings, all stones gone. Your heart was free and you fell, fell deep into him. _  
_

“Promise me, you’ll never run away from me. You have my heart, please don’t hurt it. I trust you!” Jooheons forehead touched yours, his eyes closed, enjoying your presence.

“I promise.” _  
_

You both talked about the whole situation for a bit more, explaining to each other why you reacted in some ways, to get rid of the remaining misunderstandings.

“So for what reason did you need a dress?” you cuddled with Jooheon on your couch, a blanket thrown over your bodies.

“Why? Am I not allowed to buy a dress?” Jooheon playfully glared at you. You chuckled at his reaction and explained that you were invited to a wedding from your coworker.

“Hmm, do you need a date? I would suggest myself to go with you.”

“Oh I already asked Kihyun-oppa to go with me.” he looked at you betrayed as you teased him into a little jealousy. “I’m kidding Jooheon!” you laughed as his famous poud started to form on his plump lips.

“Yah Y/N! This ain’t funny! Why are you joking like that after we had a long discussion about that!” he talked in poud, his jealousy made him cuter, the more you looked at him. You reached forward and kissed his pouty lips, to shut him up. Jooheons poud got exchanged by a small smirk, he leaned forward and hugged your waist. Resulting in you to fall with your back onto the cushion of the couch and Jooheon landing on your chest.

“Stop talking about Kihyun, you make me jealous.” his aegyo voice made you smile in triumph. A knock on your door interrupted your small interaction. “Who is that?” Jooheon got curious and looked towards your front door, to figure out who might be behind the door.

“Oh that might be Mrs Kim, she invited me to eat dinner with her and her husband.” You stood up to greet the elder woman as Jooheon stayed a little behind and later followed you, greeting the woman himself. “Hello Mrs Kim, i totally forgot about your invitation. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry Y/N I figured that out already, you’re so forgettable anyway. Oh I see you have a visitor.” Mrs Kim glanced at Jooheon who stood behind you, giving her a warm smile and a small bow.

“Hello Mrs Kim, my name is Lee Jooheon, I’m Y/N’s boyfriend. It’s really nice to meet you.”

“Ah! So you are the man who got our little Y/N’s heart shaken. It’s nice to meet you Jooheon, my name is Kim Seonji. Would you like to come over for some dinner? Y/N~ I made your favorite food, some dumplings and some rice cakes.” Mrs Kim walked over to her door, leaving no option for us to not accept the offer. Jooheon and you made your way to the apartment next door. You both greeted Mr Kim, his eyes were warm and welcoming, his wife still side eyed Jooheon, almost ready to take her stick and slam his head, if he did anything wrong.

“So Jooheon, I guess you and Y/N discussed a lot and came to good terms.” Mr Kim tried to start a conversation with your boyfriend as you helped Mrs Kim in the kitchen for the final preparations.

“Yeah we did. We had a pretty hard time recently. I’m glad we settled the issue and moved on.”

“I don’t need details. Jooheon, I can see you’re a good man. Please take good care of Y/N, protect her and be by her side. She needs you and you need her, don’t let her slip away.” Mr Kim spoke the words of truth. They carved themselves into Jooheons mind.

“I will Mr Kim, thank you. Y/N means a lot to me, I almost lost her once. I’ll not make it happen another time.”

“Dinner is ready.” Mrs Kim entered the room, catching both mens attention. Jooheon stood up to help her and put the plate onto the table. As you entered the room after her, Jooheons gaze met yours. A smile creeped onto both of your faces, grinning widely. You sat next to Jooheon, Mr and Mrs Kim sitting across from you.

“Soju?” Mr Kim was ready to go and grab some green bottles and small shots to fill the liquid in.

You chatted the whole time, having a great time with the elderly couple. They talked about their past, how they met, what struggles they had and how they found each other again. Their love story reminded you of your own, Jooheon and you had the same struggles and found your way back together, but much stronger.

It was time for Jooheon to leave, the both of you stood in the hall of your apartment complex, facing each other.

“I’m glad we talked about it.” Jooheon started the conversation.

“Me too, I’m happy I was able to tell you my true feelings.”

“I’m happy, I can finally shower you with my undying love and call you mine.-” Jooheon looked you in the eyes, after a few moments he continued. ”Y/N, I’ll protect you no matter what and I mean it. If you need to talk, I’m always there. I’ll hold you strong in my arms, I won’t let you go until you are fine. I love you!” Jooheon took a step forward, wrapping his arms around you. His lips met yours, lingering on your soft cushions, enjoying the moment.

“You have to leave. The others are waiting for you, you have a schedule tomorrow.” you talked against his lips, giggling at this moment.

“A few more minutes. Let me stay a little longer“ his lips started to move against yours. You kissed him back and stopped after a while, earning a groan from your boyfriend.

“I don’t wanna leave!” Jooheon whined at the loss of your lips.

“But you have to.”

“I know.-” Jooheons eyes looked into yours yet again. “Y/N, we need to go on a date to make our relationship official”

“Is our relationship not official or what?” you chuckled at this random statement.

“It is. But you need the full experience of dating Lee Jooheon and that includes a special date, planned by me. For the most beautiful and amazing Y/N Y/L/N! I want to show you how much you actually mean to me and how precious you are to me.”

“Oh Jooheon-”

“No no no, I’ll organize the most amazing date you ever had. I need to catch up on missed out opportunities and make it up to you for being me. Your stupid and love struck boyfriend, who can’t get enough of you.” you smile at his words.

Jooheon gave you a one last kiss and let go of you, walking backwards, toward the elevator, not leaving your eyes.

“Sleep tight Beautiful and dream of me.”

“Good night Jooheon” you laughed at his cheesiness and earned a smile from him. He walked into the elevator and blew a kiss towards you. The doors closed, you walked into your apartment, with the biggest smile over your face. The sound of a notification from your phone, catched your attention. Not even a few minutes apart and Jooheon texted you a sweet message.

Jooheon took out his phone as the doors of the elevator closed, sending you a sweet message. After he send the first one, he continued to type another one as he got interrupted by a notification. He never expected to see that and his face dropped at the name on his display.


	8. Final

The woman in front him sat quietly, sipping on her tea, waiting for him to start. But Jooheon waited for her to talk, he didn’t needed to say something, she was calling him and asking for a meet up. He wanted to leave, a heavy sigh escaped his chest as he looked out the large window of the cafe.

“If you have nothing to say, then I guess I could leave.” he sat up, ready to leave.

“Are you with her?” the woman in front of him started, avoioding his eyes and staring down at her mug. Jooheon let out a sigh, sitting back down in his chair.

“It’s none of your business.”

“Did you break up with me because of her?” she started to act, playing like she was a victim. But Jooheon could care less, he knew her real face and didn’t bother a bit as fake tears threatned to fall on her cheeks.

“Stop acting like you’re sad about it. I know you’re happy I broke up with you.” Jooheons arms crossed over his chest, not letting his guard down.

“That’s not true! Baby, I miss you and I still love you!” she reached out to touch his hand and take it into his, but Jooheon was quick and swatted her hand away.

“You never loved me, we both know that.”

“Did Y/N manipulate you? I bet she talked bad about me and forced you to break up with me. Y/N is such a bitch! She’s mean and stupid! You don’t need someone like that.” Hyejin tried her best to convince Jooheon that you were the bad guy. Thankfully Jooheon was able to see through the facade and let it not affect him, even though his ex just insulted the love of his life.

“Can you stop talking about Y/N? She has nothing to do with that situation. It’s you who messed up not her.” Jooheon started to get mad at the woman in front of him.

“Me? What did I do?” Hyejin was clearly confused. She thought she was good enough in her game.

“I know you’ve been seeing someone beside me and I saw how you flirted with the other members. Do you think I’m blind?” Jooheon tried to cover up the real reason for the breack up. He knew Hyejin wouldn’t like it that you were in fact a part of the reason for the break up. Jooheon accepted his feelings for you and that’s it.

“Stop talking nonesense! I bet it was Y/N who told you lies about me. I told you she didn’t like me in the first place!” Hyejin returned to the main suspect, you. Jooheon grew more annoyed.

“Hyejin…” he started but got interrupted.

“I know for sure it was her, Jooheon! Don’t believe what she’s saying. I’ve never flirted with anyone else besides you. I promise!” she pulled out more lies.

“Are you done?” he grew bored and decided it was enough.

“Well..”

“If not, than tell me something else to talk about, besides Y/N. If it’s not the case, then I can leave cuz I have better things to do.” spatted Jooheon, he was done with her games he just wanted to leave. He pushed his body upwards, but stopped as his ex girlfriend grabbed his arm, pleading him not to leave. More fake tears welled up in the cornor of her eyes and escaped afterwards. Jooheon didn’t think twice and stood up fully and pushing Hyejin off of him. He walked towards the exit, but got followed by her.

“Jooheon! Don’t leave me! I’m better than her, I’m prettier than her I have more money than her! She’s a nobody, just a stupid student with a low paid job. Where she’s not even good at!” she shouted after him. Anger filled his limit like the last drop of liquid in a glass. he furiously turned around and walked straight up to her. Looking her deep into the eyes.

“Never say that again! You know nothing about Y/N. She is more worth than the money your parents are pushing into your stupid ass. She is the most beautiful person in my eyes and only that matters and not what people like you think about her. I want you to leave me and Y/N the fuck alone. Go suck your sugar daddys dick and leave!” Jooheon couldn’t hold back, he was mad at Hyejin. She was in no right to talk about you the way she did. He didn’t liked the way he talked to her, but he couldn’t help himself. He needed to defend you and put a last statement into that womans brain.

“Babe…” her eyes were shaking, she never saw him like that. Fear was visible, but her desire to win him back was stronger.

“Don’t call me babe. We’re over! Put that into your brain!” Jooheon turned around and walked away. His ex girlfriend stood there shocked and didn’t know what to do. All she could do was to get her phone out and dial a number.

Meanwhile, you were in the same cafe observing the whole situation, Jooheon suggested you should go with him and hide somewhere. You couldn’t tell why he wanted to do that, but you were impressed of what just happened. You never believed that Hyejin would lie till the end. You watched her, standing in front of the cafe with her phone to her ear. It looked like she tried to call someone, but the person wasn’t picking up. Instead your phone started to ring and Jooheons name was on the display. You excepted the call.

“Yea?” you still watched Hyejin as you answered his call.

“Is she still there?” Jooheon walked a few meters away, hiding in some alley. He wanted to go back after Hyejin left, to join you in the cafe.

“Yea, looks like she’s calling someone. But she’s not leaving.”

“Damn, I thought I was able to scare her kinda away.”

“Well you looked kinda scary outside.”

“Can you blame me? She insulted my girlfriend.”

“Aww, how cute.” Jooheon chuckled at your cooing.

“Well she’s been calling me and I’m declining it the whole time.”

“Really? That explains why she gave up now.”

“Yea, she didn’t stop. Damn! Is she still there?”

“Yea.”

“Ok than walk out, we can go to your cafe and you can make me some Latte.” Jooheon chuckled.

“I knew it, but ok! Where are you? so I can walk up to you.” You started to pack up your stuff and walk towards the entrance. Pulling your hat lower so Hyejin wouldn notice you.

“Right across the street behind the cornor of the fourth building. Where the street goes left.” He gave you a quick instruction and you tried to sneak away from Hyejin. You kept Jooheon on the line, for further instructions if you wouldn’t see him. Unfortunately, the woman noticed your leaving figure and her eyes widened.

“You!” you cursed under your breath and stood still, debating with yourself whether to turn around or keep on walking.

“What’s wrong?” Jooheon heard something from the other line and grew concerned. He walked closer to the edge of the building to look what happened. Jooheon saw you together with Hyejin. She approached you and Jooheons throat grew tight.

You turned slowly as you heard how Hyejins footsteps came closer. As you fully turned around, you felt a sharp pain on your right cheek. Your hand cupped the now warm place, cooling it down with your now cold palm. Your eyes were wide, watching her furious face.

“You are the reason, my plan didn’t go as it should have! You ruined everything, you stupid slut! Why couldn’t you just fuck a different member? You had your stupid Kihyun. Why taking that stupid idiot called Jooheon?” Hyejin shouted as loud as she could, she didn’t cared anymore, as if you ruined her whole life. Which wasn’t the case, obviously.

“It wasn’t my fault that Jooheon broke up with you.”

“Yea? Then explain to me what the fuck you do in this Cafe, where me and Jooheon just met. Tell me why! Do you think I’m too stupid to see what the both of you are playing here? Wasn’t the damn coffee in your face not enough to show you your place? Do I have to remind you where you belong to? Fuck off and leave Jooheon alone. He is mine, just get it into your stupid brain.”

You were taken a back as those words filled your mind. Anger grew in your chest, as you questioned your worth for Jooheon a second time. Your eyes dropped to the floor as the familiar pain came back. But soon vanished when Jooheon arrived and pulled you into his arms, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. You and Jooheons gaze met, his eyes showed comfort, telling you everything will be fine, he’s here.

“Jooheon..” both you and Hyejin said his name with different emotions. Yours with relief and slight shock and Hyejin filled with horror and pure shock, not believing the said man to stand in front of her again.

“Hyejin, didn’t I told you to leave Y/N the fuck alone? Or do I have to remind you what place you belong to?” Hyejins eyes got wider at his words. Yours too as you remebered that you had Jooheon on the phone. He heard everything.

“If you slap someone randomly again, please think twice who you’re slapping. You can slap me but not my girlfriend, she did nothing wrong. I was the one who broke up with you, because of my selfishness. I repeat, Y/N has nothing to do with us breaking up. So I suggest you to apologize to her. Now!” Jooheons voice was stern and deep, his eyes were fiery, he was ready to jump at her and rip her to pieces.

“I didn’t slap her, what are you talking about?” she lied yet again, not realizing the situation anymore.

“Hyejin, I saw that with my own two eyes and I listened to your conversation. You can’t fool me anymore.”

“You stupid slut, you’re ruining everything even more.” Hyejin was ready to throw another slap right across your face, but Jooheon grabbed her wrist and pushed her away from you. “Fine! I did used you and yes I admit all accusations towards me. And yes I was fucking someone else and he was much better than you.” Hyejin spatted, trying to hurt him, but Jooheon kept calm. At the end he didn’t cared about Hyejins opinion anymore. “You will see what you’re missing.” That was the last thing she said before walking off and dissapearing from your sight.

Jooheons grip on you loosened and he took a deep breath, happy all of that ended. You pulled away from his strong grip and looked at his face, waiting for him to meet your eyes.

“Jooheon..” his eyes locked with yours as he turned to your calling voice.

“Hmm?”

“You ok?” concern was visible in your voice, but Jooheon gave you an assuring smile, his dimples showing themselves off.

“Yea, but I should question you. I’m glad I was on the phone and listending to all that. Especially being so close, imagine me being somewhere else and not being able to rescue my jagya.” you both smiled and hugged eachother. You stayed like that for a while, enjoying the peaceful moment. “Let’s go to the cafe, I need that Latte now.” Jooheon pulled away, grabbing your hand and pulling you with him. You laughed at his command and smiled brightly. “Oh and Y/N, don’t worry about what Hyejin said.”

“About what?” your brow knitted together in confusion.

“Me being not good in bed, trust me. You’ll have a feeling you’ve never had in your life before. Over shadowing your past expierences.” you laughed at his stupid remark and slapped his upper arm playfully.

“You’re so full of yourself sometimes.”

“I’m just saying facts.” a poud formed over his lips as you continued to laugh.

“Let me decide that ok?”

“Yah, Y/N! you don’t believe me?” your laughed even more at his slightly shocked expression, as he stopped walking for a moment. You turned around watching him sulking like a baby.

“Come Jooheon, do you want a latte or not?”

Jooheon ran up to you defeated and your arms wrapped themselves around his arm, pulling yourself close to him. This simple moment, brought more happiness to your life than you thought. It was almost like the old times, but this time you were able to express our feelings. And no pressure was left on you. Sadness vanished from your life, the depression burried away and your future in the stars. But now you had him, he had you, you had both. A never ending trip is about to start and you’re not alone.

“I love you Y/N.”

“I love you too, Jooheon.”


End file.
